I remember when

 20 years ago today my father left his physical body to move onto another realm.  It doesn't feel like 20 years, but when I see all the events that have taken place in the last twenty years, I take in a deep breath! marriage, child, cancer treatment, the pandemic - all this while he has not been physically around - but does it make sense  when I say that I felt his energy at every step? Because although he wasn't physically there, there was an invisible presence through all these phases.  So who was this man that everyone so greatly loved?  

Suresh Tirathdas Nankani aka Tommy was born on January 26, 1948.  He was even born on an important day in Indian History - Republic Day - a year after India Pakistan Partition. He was the oldest of six siblings and responsibility was thrust onto him I believe at a young age.  He came from a tight knit family - extremely close to his siblings and his cousins.  What I remember as a young age was family always being around him - he was surrounded by uncles/aunts/cousins- always.  My father became a dad at a young age - he married young.  An added responsibility in addition to being in charge of the family business.  He worked very hard.  He had a strong work ethic.  He loved life - he would be out on the dance floor dancing, he introduced me to the Beatles and the Bee Gees, and even though he didn't go to college, one could mistaken him for a college professor.  He read a lot in his spare time. All sorts of books - in his later years he read self-help books.  He was a world traveler and he could always tell where a person is from based on their accent - i loved playing that game with him.  And he was always right - in today's age it would not be politically correct to say that - but it just shows how much he traveled.  He introduced me to Indian cinema, and world cinema.  The family owned cinemas in Kumasi, Ghana and as a child we would go to the cinema halls and watch Amitabh Bacchan on the big screen and there became my love for Hindi Music and Cinema.  

Family was everything to him - we used to call our house "The Nankani Hotel."  he taught us hospitality - and the meaning of family - going out of his way to make each visitor feel special even if he didn't have the time. He always made time- we would always be at the statue of liberty, or south street seaport, or driving through neighborhoods.  He was a good tour guide - giving us history as we drove through the city.  

He was a good writer - and as children he kept us happy by writing letters to us that were like fairy tales.  You see we lived apart for a while - again that was because he wanted us to have a good education.  So we saw him every couple of months.  In the meantime we would receive letters by mail.  

He was always in meetings and people were always calling, or coming to meet him.  At first I thought they were business meetings - but people came to him for help with his problems - financial, whatever it may be and he was always willing to help.  He would be on the phone calling someone asking if they can help this person or that.  He had a big heart.  In 1985 he made one of the most important decisions in his life - not for himself - but for his family - he decided to move to the U.S. - and that's how we came to New Jersey.  He was in for a shock of his life because all the hardships of this country he had to face- he had to be the one to do it all on his own - and he did.  A large part of my teen years was watching him create his business - a men's clothing store in the West Village called Man Plus.  He taught me to love NYC - and through him we explored the village- Man Plus was our second home.  I would spend my time there either on the cash register or in the back or with him in the accounts.  I watched him in action and learned the traits of being a good manager - when I look back on my years there, as much as I complained about having to be at the store - I realize that in effect it was a training ground for me in leadership, management and teamwork.  I would accompany him on trade fairs and watch him pick merchandize for the store, I would watch how he would bargain with the prices. I would watch how everyone liked him - so they always gave him a break.  But boy did he work sooo hard.  And for what- for us- so we could fulfill our dreams - so we could have the life he didn't have.  

He was not very ritualistic - but he had faith.  His silent prayers, his meditation, and his trust in the will of the Lord - helped him prepare for the biggest battle of his life - facing cancer.  If there is one thing I can say about him is that he has the strength of a 1001 lions and more put together for the amount of pain and mistakes doctors made and clinical trials that he underwent.  He could not give up because he was only 50 when he was diagnosed.  That is too young to go - so he fought till the very end.  But he knew that it was time - he knew that he had to start planning for his family and that's what he did - silently, slowly, and asked for more time till his affairs were in order - and when it was time for him to go - he gracefully surrendered into the Hands of the Divine.  

So you see - that's who my father was - a man none like I have ever met - and I am so blessed that I got to be his daughter.   

Anti Bucket LIst

I recently discovered Katie Bowler and her writings.  One piece that especially struck me was that of "Your Anti Bucket List." She talks about making our "finitude count" and how she discovered that when she was suggested to explore creating bucket lists and dreams and aspirations.   This piece so resonated with me - more so after having undergone cancer treatment and always living with the uncertainty of our precious life.  

The pandemic brought this further into our reality and often wondering when normalcy would begin again.   I have always created bucket lists - places I want to travel to, things I want to accomplish, and dreams and aspirations.   They have helped me try to set goals for myself and move towards that goal.   Post cancer treatment, you would think that my list would have started getting longer and longer - but surprisingly it didn't.  I found that my "wants" decreased and instead my focus was more on what life was presenting to me.  It was how and what I made out of life - rather than trying to accomplish a goal before a milestone.  That feeling of pressure of needing to complete the list was gone.  https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/06/opinion/letters/bucket-list.html

What came instead was gratitude and amazement on abundance that I had been given which surprisingly stopped me from wanting more.  Katie Bowler says " The problem with aspirational lists, of course, is that they often skip the point entirely. Instead of helping us grapple with our finitude, they approximate infinity. They imply that with unlimited time and resources, we can do anything, be anyone. We can become more adventurous by jumping out of airplanes, more traveled by visiting every continent, or more cultured by reading the most famous books of all time. With the right list, we will never starve with the hunger of want."  She calls this "the anti-bucket list". and until now I had not been able to give a name to this technique- it was more a feeling and having read her works today's piece is about finding my anti bucket list.  

Below is the prompt that Katie Bowler provided: 

Make an anti-aspirational bucket list. Fill it with the things you’ve done, the places you’ve gone, the people you’ve loved, the moments that made your life feel full. Record whatever it is that makes you ache for more. 

My Anti Bucket List...

Looking far ahead at the future, I can't help think of the steps and stones getting me there...

Memories of my strongest influencers- parents, grandmothers, aunts - strong female voices showing me repeatedly again and again to be true to myself 

Showing me the power of faith through their devotion and through their story telling

Showing me unconditional love even though I didn't love myself as much

Cousins they say are our first friends and will always be our first true friends- 

late night talks, first crushes, travel buddies, and music brought us together 

Our bond strengthened because we promised to keep in touch - the power of letter writing

Memories with my father - going with him to work, traveling with him for work, watching his ways of interacting with people, being a witness to his compassion and wisdom, sharing his love of nature, and enjoying food - sumptuous food.  Long Drives, taking scenic routes, and learning the meaning of courage and strength from him

Cousins influenced the love of travel...we lived in different continents and thanks to our parents we saw each other often - fondest memories - Casablanca 1988, Torre Molinos, Spain, Ghana Reunion and India- 

Traditions continues as we got married and weddings allowed for us to get together....Rome, Barcelona, Mexico, Mumbai, Pune.....

Then there were pilgrimages that took me on a spiritual journey - time for self-inquiry, silence, and stillness.  Friendships formed, discipline instilled, and developing a personal relationship with the higher power.  All these gave me strength for where I am today.  

Friendships that are not bound by distance - that at any moment we pick up where we left off- friendships that last forever...

more moments of laughter with my better half - laughing till i can't control my tears, laughing because it is better to cry, laughing because it is healing....

and last but not least - being a witness to the the unfolding story of our son - from when he was a little boy to now a little man - and seeing him become a whole person - that I never want to stop being a part of - that I hope for more stories, more adventures, more teaching moments, more pure joy....

What is it that I ache for?  More moments of laughter, more moments of togetherness, more moments of stillness, more moments of seeing just how vast this universe is and the interconnectedness of it all.

What is your Anti Bucket list?  Try creating one based on the above prompt..

Happy Journaling!

 

Saris & Memories....

 I've often been asked the question - "what do I do when I don't know what to write about."  Prompts are wonderful ways of providing a que for writing, but often it is our senses, our memories that can take us back to a place and be just the right answer when we are stuck.   Something about summer can take us back to memories from childhood - it could be eating our favorite ice cream - it could be the smell of the ocean  - it could be the hot sweltering sun - any of those can take us back to memories that can be a great way to begin writing.  I read something the other day by Erika Veurink - titles "Getting Dressed."  Clothes have a way of taking us back, can make us feel powerful, sexy, too self-conscious, playful, and the list goes on.  This is a prompt from her essay which I would like to share:

This is my prompt:

Long flowing saris 

9 yards to be exact

when I was a little girl I would wrap myself up in a long flowing scarf

pretending that I was living in the country side by the water,

I would "play and pretend" to have earthen clay pots that I would put on top of my head and walk to the riverside to fetch water

The comfort of the material made me feel so warm and safe

It was almost freeing

I would watch my aunt every day drape her sari and watch with awe and amazement at how fast and perfect she did.  The pleats were perfect.  The "paloo" the part that drapes around the shoulder was not too long. And within seconds she was ready.  So fast.  And she would always finish it off with a red dot on her forehead.  This used to be the favorite time of my day.  

Saris were natural to her and maybe if I had continued to live in india they would have been to me too.  I have memories of my cousin wearing saris to work - elegant and beautiful so nicely draped...

Flash forward 15 years later and I find myself at an ashram with a group of girls to attend a summer course on indian culture and spirituality.  The uniform were saris.  From morning till we evening.  This was a feast for the eyes - silk, cotton, georgette, chiffon - and the colors were vibrant

orange, fushia, blue, baby pink, red, sea green

We had to be quick to get dressed - a comraderie of women together - such a powerful bond

Another memory - my cousin's wedding and so began the search for the perfect sari for many of us 

what would we wear?

There is an experience in sari shopping.  From entering the store, to being greeted by the salesperson, to be offered some chai and then to be led to a large display of materials.  The salesperson takes out one after another different types of saris - solids, prints, embroidery - and then he drapes it around himself, and then if you like it you - quite an experience....and when you find the right one - its like cinderella - it is perfect.  

The sari has taken me on a train ride, making stops  - exploring, reliving, and celebrating important moments in this thing that we call life!

What is your clothing memory?

Happy Journaling 

I surrender....

When life throws you lemons, make lemonade.  

I never knew what that really meant - my first instinct was when life throws you lemons- throw it right back - until i got it.  Make lemonade is an art - the right amount of lemons, the right amount of sugar, water - not too sour, not too sweet.  Squeezing out the lemons is like  squeezing our negative emotions - getting rid of it , so that we can enjoy that nice cool refreshing sip.  

That is how life is when we are put in situations that come unexpectedly.  We can either take the long road of fighting back, of projecting the future outcome, of becoming overwhelmed, of giving up and expecting the worse.  Especially when the "lemons" keep being thrown at you one after another.  How many of us want to react and hit right back when we are put in uncomfortable situations or unexpected situations. Life transitions, job transitions, medical issues, the list can go on - our first instinct is to react or be numb.  I for one am known for reacting - not responding.  And I made a decision a while back, that if this was what life is made out of - why not learn to respond mindfully.  

What does that involve?  It involves taking stock of the situation - seeing your role in it and responsibility and being in a position to open it up to a higher power or the universe to take over.   Whatever your spiritual belief system - there is a sense of security when you know that you are supported by the universe, God, Higher Power, spirit - whatever you want to name it.  And that has been my practice lately because it allows me to learn to let go of things that are beyond my control. It is an actual affirmation that I repeat to myself that I offer this to you and ask you take care of it - and guide me in the right manner with wisdom and compassion.   There is a pose in yoga called Child's Pose....which is the ultimate act of surrender....bowing your forehead to the ground and allowing your body to let go and simply relax....this pose has taught me to practice letting go....

The moment I do that, I feel light, because it is not my problem anymore and I have handed it over.  What does one do with the thoughts that keep surfacing or ruminating that is beyond one's control?  I practice deep breathing to center myself and I have also begun to physically remove myself from a situation - like go for a walk, or call a friend, or read a book, or cook something - to get my mind of the topic.  So my attention is on something else.   I have found that that period of inactivity - or activity actually has been helpful because ideas begin forming and it is as if there is the inner guidance that is showing me the way and the path.   

Learning to trust the inner guidance takes courage because often I have to do things that is out of my comfort zone -but like everything else it take practice and courage.  The more I do it the better I become at it.   

Journal Prompt:

When life throws me lemons I .......

You can use this in different ways -Make a list, write for five minutes nonstop ,or if you want to be creative write your own meme....

Happy Journaling!!

Owning your story

 Over the last couple of weeks I have been listening to Brene Brown's Podcast on Gifts of Imperfection with her sisters.  This is hard work, which requires honesty, vulnerability, courage and the willingness to be open to change.  What I have loved about it is the dynamic between the sisters and the connection they share.  A bond- a beautiful bond - very candid and raw.   As kids we are all exposed to some level of dysfunctionality within our family.   Some of us have high level trauma and many of us don't really spend the time as a family (as adults) to talk about it.   We deal with it in our own individual way or we totally shut it out.  These three sisters have taken the time to work on themselves and the trauma that impacted them as children into adulthood and are open about it.  It is so refreshing to see such honesty and authenticity.  It is an invitation to learn to accept our own worthiness with all our flaws and imperfections. And it has been the perfect piece to listen to at this point in my life.  

I am at a point in my life where i am continuously working to be myself - i see my flaws, but i don't want to lose myself.   I think the pandemic and lockdown allowed me to go deeper into that space without any judgment.   It has meant being vulnerable at work when the workload felt too much for me and my staff and I had to voice it.  It meant setting boundaries at home so that I could have me time.  It meant asking for help in the home because I am one person and I don't need to prove to myself that I can do it all.  You see my mother did it all - and on some level I want to prove to myself that I can be her - but I am not her - so I had to let go of that too. It meant saying no things I don't want to do anymore because it does enriching to my soul.   It is about choosing who I want to surround myself with and whom I don't.  It meant taking my exercise and lifestyle issues into my own hands and creating a routine for myself so I can feel good about myself physically- and it is because I finally want to - not because of what others want for me.   All of that is work, and it takes a lot of time. And then there is a the concept of play - allowing ourselves and giving ourselves permission to relax and play.  For some like myself - that is a very difficult thing to do - this strong work ethic that if I am not constantly busy I am not productive is ingrained in my head - and if i just allow myself to sit there is a sense of guilt that crops up in me ( well it used to) - I am getting better and better at it - The world today needs compassion - but compassion starts within us - if we cannot be compassionate with ourselves - how can we expect to do that with others.  We must start within us - so it can be a ripple effect to those around us.  We become more forgiving and more tolerant.   If you are interested in listening to this here is the link...https://brenebrown.com/unlockingus/

Journal Prompt: 

Read the quote below  and write about your story?  What is the story you want to own?  

Happy Journaling!!

Weekends

The end of the week 

Friday has come

time to close shop

time to recoup and recharge

Fridays are special 

Plans get made

a sense of relief 

a feeling of accomplishment on a job well done

for some it is how to put an end to the day's work

work never stops 

it can go on and on 

it is we who must stop 

and Friday is just that -create a separation between home and work 

Friday comes with a message that says "its me time"

catch up on sleep

some good movies

spend time outdoors

catch up with friends and family

Friday is taking a break from the routine 

The weekend is for a change in routine 

Friday o sweet Friday

I let out a deep exhale as the clock strikes 4:30 

my body starts to unwind

everything is lighter around me 

So grateful I am for the weekend

Happy Friday everyone!!!

Journal Prompt:  What does the weekend mean to you? How do you spend your weekend?  Do you look at it as a recharge so you can face the week ahead?  Or is it a weekend with to do lists? Take some time to reflect and write about it for 10 minutes non stop

Happy Journaling! 

The mountains are calling....

 

We took our first real vacation in over 18 months.  We played it safe for the first time.  We drove.  We were dropping off our son at a sleep away camp and I had all sorts of anxiety.   It was a process of learning how to trust and how to practice being safe.  The rational side knew that as long as he is vaccinated and wearing a mask in an indoor setting he should be okay - and he was.  But that is the nature of the human mind - it can't help but worry.   Where I live, people are still wearing masks indoors - driving through different states that was not the case.   Signs for shops and restaurants - wear a mask if ur are not vaccinated.  The honor system -that understanding that we are all in this together so lets practice social responsibility.   I respected that but have to admit was a little perturbed in the beginning.  

This is a vacation - i said to myself - i am going to enjoy it - I will not allow fear to control me.   You see i have been confined to my home for the most part so this was a big adventure for all of us.   Once we got over these issues we finally allowed ourselves to enjoy - to relax - and do what vacation is supposed to do for all of us - escape from reality.   

Our escape were the Blue Ridge Mountains and Shenondah Valley.  We were at a elevation of 3000 feet and it was absolutely breathtaking.  It was the first time we were so close to nature - and we couldn't take our eyes off the view and soaked in all that energy.   I am often reminded of John Muir who writes about the mountains.and spending time in nature. I chose one of his quotes and decided to do a writing prompt with it.  The quote reads:  "And into the forest I go to lose my mind and find my soul."   My prompt is 

I find my soul....

I find my soul as we gaze up high into the mountain peaks

it soars high just like the red tailed hawk gliding in circles 

a reminder of the ever circle of life

it expands just like the never ending trails of wooded forests

taking me on paths unknown 

catching my breathe, watching my step carefully as I 

climb high to a peak 

I don't know how much I can go up further

I push and I push with my might like the little engine that could because I want to see the end

the end that is a beautiful gift from the universe 

Majestic, Grand, Green Mountain - I come to gather the gifts you hold for us 

at 3000 feet, I have found escape from the hot sun

A nice cool breeze to wake me up 

Feeling so close to heaven 

all i have to do is extend my hand and grab the clouds who will take me up high

I find my soul up in the mountains

I find my self up in the mountains

Silence solitude and reverence for this magical gift to us humans

and immense humility as my small self stands before thy presence. 

Think a place that you recently visited and begin writing about it for 20 minutes non stop.  You can even begin with the prompt:  I Found my soul in...

Happy Journaling1