Decisions Decisions Decisions

 Decisions decisions decisions - how do we as humans come to make them? what goes into making a decision? Some of us are wise enough to look at our wants and needs first and that helps them make a decision.  Others want to make sure everyone's opinion is valued and that's how they come to a decision.  It is a combination of our emotional and intellectual faculties that allow us to be able to say out loud the decision we have made.  But it is a process to get there.  There are so many of us that may not know what we want - more so because it is clouded by our loved one's opinions- we want to make them happy too and so we subconsciously operate in that manner.  

There are so many times when I have heard the words "you do what you want."  But its not that easy to do what you want.  Maybe when I was younger it was easy to make decisions impulsively because i wasn't responsible for anyone - but the last 20 years or so circumstances have changed - so asking myself what "I" want really takes a lot of digging.  I have to really work though my mind that if I verbalize what I want -that I am not being selfish - that its okay to say what I want - and those around you will understand.  They may not agree but they will understand.  And there will be those who will not understand and not forgive you because of ur decision.  How do u live with that?  

Everything we do has a reaction -it is how we respond to it.  This past week, for the first time in a very long time, I really had to take some time and make a decision - it was not a life changing decision or anything like that - but I write about it because of how hard it was for me to really visualize what "I want."  I just couldn't because I wasn't thinking about me and my wants, I was thinking about "us and our wants/desires."  Sometimes we want it all - and that too can be difficult - because having it all doesn't always mean that its actually what "I" want.   Sometimes having it all can simply just be because you are a all about keeping the peace and making sure everyone is happy.  And then you let go entirely of  what is going to make you happy for the higher good.  I realize I do that alot - and so when anyone asks me what I want - i have a very difficult time answering that question.  I don't know what I want.  

What techniques did I use to figure out what I want?  Our body talks to us in ways that we don't realize.  So paying extra attention to my body and cues to look for when I began thinking or visualizing others wants vs. my wants.  I started to feel more tired/just want to shut everything out - some weird feeling in my stomach.  Then I did an exercise on what I actually want - and the body felt lighter - relaxed - and that helped me come to my decision.  

I also wrote - and that is my go to source - and it started with the prompt 

What I really want is .......

I ideal vision is......

I hope to.....

Sometimes it was writing like a stream of consciousness at other times it was a couple of sentences.  But it was a process to get to and it helped identify what I wanted and give me the voice to say it out loud without guilt or any other type of emotion.  

If you are ever in a situation like mine try these prompts to help you make decisions!!

Happy Journaling!!