As children we grow up with siblings. Often a new birth into a family creates mixed emotions. For the oldest child, it is not only excitement, but it is also a fear of not being loved enough of not receiving enough attention, of not being the favorite. Our parents use whatever tools they have to create harmony between siblings and to restore balance. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, depending on the degree of comparison that often is created by the parents. Regardless of how much a parent may tell their children that they love all of them equally - if their actions indicate otherwise, the children will begin to internalize the differences and act it out accordingly. It happens in all families, yet the power of love can create the best of bonds between siblings and often they are our best friends.
But it takes effort to build that kind of relationship - effort on the part of parents to create an environment so that the feeling of "i wish i had what he/she had" or " i wish they would not treat me differently." or " I wish I was as smart/beautiful/etc as him/her" doesn't develop. I have watched families, and watched children grow into adults feeling incomplete because that foundation of a sense of self was not established as a child due to various factors. Blaming parents is not the answer - but learning from our past so we don't repeat the cycle is the answer. Also being in tuned with our sense of incompleteness whatever that may be can help break the cycle.
There are so many words that can describe this feeling - rivalry, jealousy, incomplete, insecure -whatever word you choose to define it as - if you feel it, then it is important to be in tuned with it. Some people might say - why be in tuned with it? what is that going to do to me? how is that going to help me? I say, that by being in tuned to it, you can become more aware of the triggers in you that create these feelings. And by being more aware - you can change the state of your relationships and you can work on processing these feelings so they don't impact your relationships.
Think of a situation you have been in where you either receive some news - now think about the initial gut reaction -do you feel a twinge in your stomach - do you feel a knot in your throat - think about your initial body reactions and the process after that - do you find yourself feeling guilty for thinking negatively - do you find yourself rationalizing your thinking- do you find yourself pushing the thoughts/feelings away and bury it deep down so you don't have to think about it?
Now what if you did the exact opposite? What if you chose to acknowledge the body sensations and be present with it? what if you chose to be aware of the thoughts in your mind whichever way they go without feeing guilty about it? what if you decided to actually write about the feelings you are having without burying them deep inside? What would the outcome be?
The feeling may not go away - but being aware, it teaches you how to have more compassion and more understanding for yourself and for the other person.
It teaches you to be patient with yourself. It gives you insight into you verbalizing your desires and perhaps actually manifesting them should you feel that you have put them on the back burner.
The practice of mindfulness - of being in tuned to your thoughts, emotions, feelings is so important in this practice when you begin to feel incomplete as a person. Journaling is a sort of mindfulness. It is the act of being in tuned with your thoughts, allowing you to process them, and then letting it sit with you without judgment, just more understanding.
Prompt: Try Breathing in 10 times - Inhale and Exhale 10 times and be in tuned with your thoughts, emotions as you inhale and exhale. If you find yourself wandering, gently bring it back to counting back to where you left off. When you are up to 10, pick up your pen and write for five minutes non stop.
Happy Journaling!
Monday, July 29, 2013
Thursday, July 11, 2013
The Aleph
Every now and then a book comes along your way and leaves a lasting impression. I am not an avid reader, but I try to make time to read because it is one of those good nourishing items to feed the soul. Books can be of all different kinds, and not every book you read has to be inspirational, or uplifting. Sometimes a book just gives you a good laugh, whereas other times, it gets you into another world that beyond reality, and then there are those that leave you warm and fuzzy. I also believe that books that come across your path regardless of their content come to you at the right time in your life. It’s exactly what you needed at that moment. For me it was Paulo Coelho’s book Aleph.
His first book was The Alchemist which I loved. And I will admit that when I started to follow his books, I found the same theme over and over again – so I let him go for a while. It was always the same message of self-discovery, following your path, living your dreams, etc. But someone recommended Aleph to me, and I said, ok, let me read it.
It was exactly what I needed. It is books that just like The Alchemist, no matter how many times I read it; I will always learn something new from it. What fascinated more about this book – it was a biographical account of his life till today but done in a fictional way. I love traveling and I liked the idea of reading someone elses’ perspective on their travels – and more specifically making their travel journeys meaningful and purposeful – being open to new experiences on their travels regardless of how mundane it may be. Our travels could be our job – traveling for work can get burdensome and exhausting and can take a toll on us – and the character in this book experiences some of those sentiments. Seeing how he overcomes it, and makes meaning of his travels resonated with me.
Aleph is the first word in the Hebrew Alphabet. It has many meanings – symbolically- ranging from Oneness in Unity to the link between the Inner and Outer Realm of God to signifying strength, the leader. (http://www.hebrew4christians.com/Grammar/Unit_One/Aleph-Bet/Aleph/aleph.html)
So getting into this book I was a little apprehensive because I did not know what to expect – whether it would be a lesson on theology, on Judaism, etc. But it was the opposite. It was his spiritual journey. So many of us at times feel stagnant on our spiritual path, and we need a boost, we need something that can help us get unstuck. In this book, he writes in the first person about him being a famous writer, and feel that stuckness. And he turns to “J” his mentor, for guidance. In doing that, he comes across an article about the Chinese Bamboo. The concept that such a tiny green shoot could shoot up in five years into such a giant thing is the catalyst that gets him moving on his journey. And he decides to take a journey on the Trans-Siberian railroad, and unexpectedly a woman named Hilal tells him that she is there to accompany him on this journey.
For me, it represented the journey of one man’s quest for inner peace – and his metamorphosis. It was about undoing the past, understanding one’s past in order to make peace with the present. It was about learning to be in the present despite all our insecurities, emotions, paranoia, vices, gifts, talents. It was a journey in forgiveness, in love, and being unafraid of confronting the challenges in life. One can’t know God in isolation – or understand God’s wisdom/love. The only way one can begin to understand God is by actively being in the present with our relationships and our lives. And in order to be actively present, one needs to come to terms with the past – not live in the past, but accept it and move on. This quote stood out to me:
“We can never wound the soul, just as we can never wound, God, but we can become imprisoned by our memories, and that makes our lives wretched even when we have everything we need in order to be happy. If only we could be entirely here, as if we had just woken up on planet Earth and found ourselves inside a golden temple, but can’t.”
This is a great link to another person’s understanding of The Aleph. http://www.giveliveexplore.com/2012/10/02/influential-books-aleph-by-paulo-coelho/
He ends the book with this quote: “Only two things can reveal life’s greatest secrets: Suffering and Love.” I ask you to do a journaling prompt with this quote and see what comes up. What has suffering taught me about myself? What has love given me? Where would I be without the two?
Happy Journaling!
His first book was The Alchemist which I loved. And I will admit that when I started to follow his books, I found the same theme over and over again – so I let him go for a while. It was always the same message of self-discovery, following your path, living your dreams, etc. But someone recommended Aleph to me, and I said, ok, let me read it.
It was exactly what I needed. It is books that just like The Alchemist, no matter how many times I read it; I will always learn something new from it. What fascinated more about this book – it was a biographical account of his life till today but done in a fictional way. I love traveling and I liked the idea of reading someone elses’ perspective on their travels – and more specifically making their travel journeys meaningful and purposeful – being open to new experiences on their travels regardless of how mundane it may be. Our travels could be our job – traveling for work can get burdensome and exhausting and can take a toll on us – and the character in this book experiences some of those sentiments. Seeing how he overcomes it, and makes meaning of his travels resonated with me.
Aleph is the first word in the Hebrew Alphabet. It has many meanings – symbolically- ranging from Oneness in Unity to the link between the Inner and Outer Realm of God to signifying strength, the leader. (http://www.hebrew4christians.com/Grammar/Unit_One/Aleph-Bet/Aleph/aleph.html)
So getting into this book I was a little apprehensive because I did not know what to expect – whether it would be a lesson on theology, on Judaism, etc. But it was the opposite. It was his spiritual journey. So many of us at times feel stagnant on our spiritual path, and we need a boost, we need something that can help us get unstuck. In this book, he writes in the first person about him being a famous writer, and feel that stuckness. And he turns to “J” his mentor, for guidance. In doing that, he comes across an article about the Chinese Bamboo. The concept that such a tiny green shoot could shoot up in five years into such a giant thing is the catalyst that gets him moving on his journey. And he decides to take a journey on the Trans-Siberian railroad, and unexpectedly a woman named Hilal tells him that she is there to accompany him on this journey.
For me, it represented the journey of one man’s quest for inner peace – and his metamorphosis. It was about undoing the past, understanding one’s past in order to make peace with the present. It was about learning to be in the present despite all our insecurities, emotions, paranoia, vices, gifts, talents. It was a journey in forgiveness, in love, and being unafraid of confronting the challenges in life. One can’t know God in isolation – or understand God’s wisdom/love. The only way one can begin to understand God is by actively being in the present with our relationships and our lives. And in order to be actively present, one needs to come to terms with the past – not live in the past, but accept it and move on. This quote stood out to me:
“We can never wound the soul, just as we can never wound, God, but we can become imprisoned by our memories, and that makes our lives wretched even when we have everything we need in order to be happy. If only we could be entirely here, as if we had just woken up on planet Earth and found ourselves inside a golden temple, but can’t.”
This is a great link to another person’s understanding of The Aleph. http://www.giveliveexplore.com/2012/10/02/influential-books-aleph-by-paulo-coelho/
He ends the book with this quote: “Only two things can reveal life’s greatest secrets: Suffering and Love.” I ask you to do a journaling prompt with this quote and see what comes up. What has suffering taught me about myself? What has love given me? Where would I be without the two?
Happy Journaling!
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Friendships
As my son enters the world of friendships, thoughts that come to my mind are about the strong friendships that we form as children and how they help shape and influence who we are. I may be an overbearing mother at times -perhaps sometimes controlling needing to know exactly what is going on in my son's life and who his friends are and what kinds of things they do - but I rationalize it because he is at such an impressionable age that at any point, he can go in an opposite direction. He started summer camp on monday and this was a camp where he did not know any of the children, so we have been having alot of discussions about making friends, how to make friends, what kinds of questions to aks, what is appropriate vs. inappropriate. This is a camp where there are alot of older kids, and with my son in particular, he is attracted to older children, so i have to be extra careful because he begins to think he is 10 or 11.
At age 6, the whole world is all about him - and i have to keep him in check so that he learns to share a part of him self with other children - meaning that forming friendships is a two way process, and it is not always one sided. This being said, there is discussion about the qualities of good friends and him knowing that in order for him to have good friends, he must be a good friend.
Speaking about friendships, i began to reflect on my friendships - and how central they have been into making me blossom into my being. A friend is someone that can look at you and know exactly what you may be thinking and words are not needed. A friend is someone who can complete another person's sentences. A friend can be the total opposite of you, but still because there is a connection, you are friends.
When I talk about friendships, I am not talking about acquaintances. Friend is a relative term - we can technically be friends with everyone - because we smile, like to get to know people, have fun, etc. But I am talking about true friendships - that are diffiult to find. I think when you have found it, it is very important to cherish it. And as I get older, I find that I treasure and value more of those kind of connections- than just superficial talk.
A friend on many level is a form of soulmate - but in a different sense of the world - people usually associate soulmates with lover/spartners - but I have found that we can have various soulmates - and friends come to us in that form too. Often times, people that we are friends with - may fade away -or the friendship may fade away either because of a life change, a move to another town, a death, etc. But that doesn't mean the friendship has ended - it's just not physically present like how we would like it to, so we often mistake it for it either ending/fading etc. But if you were to meet the same person after many years or even months, think about the connection that you continue to have and how time nor distance doesn't really change that aspect of yourself. Losing a friendship can be very devastating and the reason i write about it is because friends are almost mirror images of ourselves in different forms - and when we lose that part of our friend, we feel that we have lost a piece of us. In times like that, it is so important to process that loss - individually or with your friend. Although I'm a big champion of writing - i also believe in the power of talking and that is what friendships do for us - when you are able to have a conversation with someone that really understands you but can also tell you the truth, there is something amazing about that!
Which leads me to another thought - A quote that I read the other day was " Each person that comes into your life has a meaning and purpose. If they are not in your life anymore, reflect on the teaching you received from them, and move on forward." Although I always strive to live by that ideal - it struck me more in the context of friendships. For me, this made me look at friendships on many levels - the various types of friends that we can have - we can have childhood friends, college friends, work friends, neighborhood friends - all of these each of them are in our lives for a reason - if we approach each of these categories in that way - think about our openness and newness to this. Think about how alive we would feel, think about how free we would feel - just like a child - and reading that - it hit me regarding my son- he is approaching each situation with newness - with innocence and is like a beginner. But he is also growing because of the people in his lives, and So too with friendships, I realized that our circles - immediate or distant serve a valid purpose and a higher purpose - all taking us to the next phase in our lives - whenever that is.
A Journal Prompt for you: (write this for five minutes)
The Friendships in my life have been ____________________________
My friend (Name the person) has ______________
Another Journal Prompt:
Write a letter to a friend - it could be someone you see everyday, it could be someone you haven't seen in ages, it could be someone who is deceased, but is still your friend.
Happy Journaling!
At age 6, the whole world is all about him - and i have to keep him in check so that he learns to share a part of him self with other children - meaning that forming friendships is a two way process, and it is not always one sided. This being said, there is discussion about the qualities of good friends and him knowing that in order for him to have good friends, he must be a good friend.
Speaking about friendships, i began to reflect on my friendships - and how central they have been into making me blossom into my being. A friend is someone that can look at you and know exactly what you may be thinking and words are not needed. A friend is someone who can complete another person's sentences. A friend can be the total opposite of you, but still because there is a connection, you are friends.
When I talk about friendships, I am not talking about acquaintances. Friend is a relative term - we can technically be friends with everyone - because we smile, like to get to know people, have fun, etc. But I am talking about true friendships - that are diffiult to find. I think when you have found it, it is very important to cherish it. And as I get older, I find that I treasure and value more of those kind of connections- than just superficial talk.
A friend on many level is a form of soulmate - but in a different sense of the world - people usually associate soulmates with lover/spartners - but I have found that we can have various soulmates - and friends come to us in that form too. Often times, people that we are friends with - may fade away -or the friendship may fade away either because of a life change, a move to another town, a death, etc. But that doesn't mean the friendship has ended - it's just not physically present like how we would like it to, so we often mistake it for it either ending/fading etc. But if you were to meet the same person after many years or even months, think about the connection that you continue to have and how time nor distance doesn't really change that aspect of yourself. Losing a friendship can be very devastating and the reason i write about it is because friends are almost mirror images of ourselves in different forms - and when we lose that part of our friend, we feel that we have lost a piece of us. In times like that, it is so important to process that loss - individually or with your friend. Although I'm a big champion of writing - i also believe in the power of talking and that is what friendships do for us - when you are able to have a conversation with someone that really understands you but can also tell you the truth, there is something amazing about that!
Which leads me to another thought - A quote that I read the other day was " Each person that comes into your life has a meaning and purpose. If they are not in your life anymore, reflect on the teaching you received from them, and move on forward." Although I always strive to live by that ideal - it struck me more in the context of friendships. For me, this made me look at friendships on many levels - the various types of friends that we can have - we can have childhood friends, college friends, work friends, neighborhood friends - all of these each of them are in our lives for a reason - if we approach each of these categories in that way - think about our openness and newness to this. Think about how alive we would feel, think about how free we would feel - just like a child - and reading that - it hit me regarding my son- he is approaching each situation with newness - with innocence and is like a beginner. But he is also growing because of the people in his lives, and So too with friendships, I realized that our circles - immediate or distant serve a valid purpose and a higher purpose - all taking us to the next phase in our lives - whenever that is.
A Journal Prompt for you: (write this for five minutes)
The Friendships in my life have been ____________________________
My friend (Name the person) has ______________
Another Journal Prompt:
Write a letter to a friend - it could be someone you see everyday, it could be someone you haven't seen in ages, it could be someone who is deceased, but is still your friend.
Happy Journaling!
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Assumptions!
Today I want to go back to the concept of assumptions and the impact it can have on our interactions/day to day communications and relationships with others. An assumption is an opinon we form about a particular situation, an issue, and/or persons. Assumptions are based on our past experiences and we project subconsciously our past experiences onto the particular issue. We often jump to conclusion based on on our assumption and inevitably it leads to an emotional drama of some sort. The emotional tug of war can be with another person, it can be with our selves and our mind. The emotional tug of war can be draining and at times it can ruin relationships and it can create disagreements and ill feelings between people.
Why do we fall into that trap? Why is it that instead of being direct and asking a question, we end up assuming something automatically. An assumption can be something as simple as if you don't get a phone call back from someone or if you don't get an email back from someone, you tend to find rationales, reasons for that. Assumption can also be that if a person is quiet/doesn't talk much, introverted, they are either proud, etc.
Assumptions are reflections of the way we view ourselves- if we assume someone may not want to talk to us, or someone wants something from us, in actuality, it is really a form of rejecting ourselves. If we assume that the reason someone acted in a particular way was because they wanted to hurt us, or they wanted to attack us, or they wanted to have some form of control over us, in actuality, it is really how we feel about ourselves. We need to look at ourselves honestly and see - how do we view ourself? Are we insecure about certain things? Explore what our insecurities are and be honest with ourselves about it.
Something that I have devoted a huge part of this year to is not forming assumptions - i believe it is crucial to developing a spiritual practice and strengthening my core spirit. Particularly as a mother, with my son growing, it is extremely important for me not to form assumptions about his personality and about him -
But like with everything else it takes a lot of practice, and more than anything it takes courage. Not forming assumptions requires that I begin to speak more and articulate my fears, articulate my questions, articulate my ideas. In essence it is learning to be comfortable with our voice - and respecting that voice. Sometimes we may not always have a pat on the back when we begin to voice our authentic self, but I have found that in situations where I want to avoid making an assumption - if i practice authentic communication from the heart, i avoid misunderstanding and i avoid unnecessary judgement. It also doesn't hurt to just ask a question instead of assuming. You will be surprised when you ask, how much you find out that so much of things are in our minds instead of it being based on reality.
Also, if we learn not to make assumptions, we learn to accept other people more - we understand others better, and let them be who they are. We learn that it is not about changing them - that if we change our reaction to them, in time, we may not feel the same issues or uncomfortable feelings that we may feel with each other.
An exercise - think of how many judgements you make of yourself in a day. Now take it a step further - how many judgments do you make of others based on their speech, their dress style, their background, etc. Think about people whom you know now who you are friends with and think of the first time you met them - what was your impression - was it positive/negative. Think about how you walk by someone you work with everyday and not once you say hello to them, b/c of whatever issues there may be- and the one day you have a conversation you are amazed to see how much you have in common or you were surprised that you made a friend.
My writing practice continues to help me on this path of cultivating non-judgment, assumption and learning to articulate my voice.
One of the writing courses I took, there is an exercise that refers to as Character Sketch. A Character sketch is a written descriptio of a nother person or a part of yourself. When you write about another, it is a good opportunity to tune into your projections about the other person. A projection is an unknown part of yourself that you see in other people. Here are example of some character sketches:
- people you admire
- people who make you angry
-of yourself
-your friends.
There is no right or wrong way to do this - but pay attention to describing their feelings, likes dislikes, what bugs you about this person, the person's role, etc? It makes you more aware and more in tune with yourself and others.
Happy Journaling!
Why do we fall into that trap? Why is it that instead of being direct and asking a question, we end up assuming something automatically. An assumption can be something as simple as if you don't get a phone call back from someone or if you don't get an email back from someone, you tend to find rationales, reasons for that. Assumption can also be that if a person is quiet/doesn't talk much, introverted, they are either proud, etc.
Assumptions are reflections of the way we view ourselves- if we assume someone may not want to talk to us, or someone wants something from us, in actuality, it is really a form of rejecting ourselves. If we assume that the reason someone acted in a particular way was because they wanted to hurt us, or they wanted to attack us, or they wanted to have some form of control over us, in actuality, it is really how we feel about ourselves. We need to look at ourselves honestly and see - how do we view ourself? Are we insecure about certain things? Explore what our insecurities are and be honest with ourselves about it.
Something that I have devoted a huge part of this year to is not forming assumptions - i believe it is crucial to developing a spiritual practice and strengthening my core spirit. Particularly as a mother, with my son growing, it is extremely important for me not to form assumptions about his personality and about him -
But like with everything else it takes a lot of practice, and more than anything it takes courage. Not forming assumptions requires that I begin to speak more and articulate my fears, articulate my questions, articulate my ideas. In essence it is learning to be comfortable with our voice - and respecting that voice. Sometimes we may not always have a pat on the back when we begin to voice our authentic self, but I have found that in situations where I want to avoid making an assumption - if i practice authentic communication from the heart, i avoid misunderstanding and i avoid unnecessary judgement. It also doesn't hurt to just ask a question instead of assuming. You will be surprised when you ask, how much you find out that so much of things are in our minds instead of it being based on reality.
Also, if we learn not to make assumptions, we learn to accept other people more - we understand others better, and let them be who they are. We learn that it is not about changing them - that if we change our reaction to them, in time, we may not feel the same issues or uncomfortable feelings that we may feel with each other.
An exercise - think of how many judgements you make of yourself in a day. Now take it a step further - how many judgments do you make of others based on their speech, their dress style, their background, etc. Think about people whom you know now who you are friends with and think of the first time you met them - what was your impression - was it positive/negative. Think about how you walk by someone you work with everyday and not once you say hello to them, b/c of whatever issues there may be- and the one day you have a conversation you are amazed to see how much you have in common or you were surprised that you made a friend.
My writing practice continues to help me on this path of cultivating non-judgment, assumption and learning to articulate my voice.
One of the writing courses I took, there is an exercise that refers to as Character Sketch. A Character sketch is a written descriptio of a nother person or a part of yourself. When you write about another, it is a good opportunity to tune into your projections about the other person. A projection is an unknown part of yourself that you see in other people. Here are example of some character sketches:
- people you admire
- people who make you angry
-of yourself
-your friends.
There is no right or wrong way to do this - but pay attention to describing their feelings, likes dislikes, what bugs you about this person, the person's role, etc? It makes you more aware and more in tune with yourself and others.
Happy Journaling!
Friday, June 21, 2013
Summer Solstice!
. 
At 1:04 AM today, those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, Eastern Time marked the beginning of summer and celebration of Summer Solstice. For centuries, there are have been traditions across cultures celebrating the beginning of summer and really enjoying the longest night of the year. I was remined about the Summer Solstice by my sister, and the question she posed to us was "What will you do with that extra time today.?"
How will you spend that extra time? Simple in its question, yet the answer is not that simple. So many of us may think of all the chores that may need to be done, while others may say, we can use it to celebrate the Sun. Celebrate the beauty of the Sun.
What does the sun symbolize to you? For me the sun is warmth. It signifies life, vitality, energy. When the sun is out, we find ourselves all happy, full of energy. When the days are longer, we feel like we can get more accomplished. When the days are longer, we enjoy the beauty of the outdoors. When the days are longer, we find ourselves doing things outdoors we may never do. It's like children - the moment the weather is warm, all they want to do is be outside and play. They could be out there for hours, but don't think about their tiredness. Instead they are too busy enjoying themselves that they forget that their body is tired. Similarly, we too, during these special months of summer must take advantage of this gift that the sun is providing us - if makes you more alive and full.
This year in particular, i'm more connected to celebrating the summer solistice year, moreso because of the spiritual significance of it - each of us has a spiritual fire in us that need to be ignited and just like the sun extends its rays to alll unconditionally - we too need to have that spiritual fire in us -those rays of love ignited and utilized in a direction that will help us manifest our dreams. How many of us start something and don't complete it? How many of us take on too many things and end up feeling overwhelmed? How many of us just don't have the energy to just do anything? Traditions state that rituals celebrating the summer solistice enable those to ignite their spiritual fire and help in realizing dreams. In yoga, there is a pose, called the warrior pose - this pose is about developing internal strength in our knees, in our legs, in our feet - to help keep us grounded. What I like about this pose, is that it gets us to focus on our breath, and breathing through our abdomen, we gain strength in extending our limbs forward. As we do that, we begin to create will power, we create stability, and centeredness. I am also reminded of a yoga class that I took in a park one time with my cousin and sister and found it so relaxing and wonderful as we tried to be grounded while we were in nature. On many levels we were celebrating the sun - and in retrospect I will cherish that moment. So on this day, I ask you to take one hour of the day to give honor to this beautiful creation of the universe - the sun - without whom we could not be sustained. And taking it to another level - honoring you and your beauty and your life. Give yourself that hour of ritual for yourself. And enjoy the summer days!
Happy Solistice!
P.S. A Journal Prompt for you for This Day:
"Where would I go today with the Sun?"
Happy Journaling!!!!
Monday, June 17, 2013
Father's Wisdom
There is an old Indian saying that Our Fathers teach us wisdom, whereas our mothers teach us unconditional love. Sunday, many of us celebrated Fathers day - a day to really celebrate and honor your father especially if he played an important role in your life. My father left an imprint on me that I will utterly be grateful for. Although he passed away almost 12 years ago, I still feel him with me, around me, more than ever - and I think it is because of the many experiences we had together and the time he took to spend with us. He travelled alot for work, so we spent time apart together, however, the time we did have together was quality time. He made sure he would have those teaching father-daughter moments that i can still remember to this day. As a young child I watched him in his day to day interactions with others, I listened to his ever so creative stories, I learned to love music and appreciate all types of music from him, and I learned to dance from him. He taught me humility, he taught me the importance of hard work and having a good work ethic. He taught me about being fair and being objective. He also had a temper - which unfortunately I inherited:). There are moments with him that I will never forget such as the many special one on one trips with him -or the way he surprised me with a singing telegram for one of my birthdays, or just plain advice he gave me on men, on relationships. He also taught me about spirituality and understanding the importance of spirituality in day to day life. My father was my friend first.
Yesterday, my husband also celebrated his sixth year as being a father - and i think it struck me even more when he said - "Fathers' Day is more important to me than christmas or even my birthday." I was a little surprised at that first, but as he began to talk about it, i began to understand that it is the joy of seeing his son grow, being able to do things that fathers/sons do with each other and being able to pass on his wisdom to his son in the same way as my dad passed on his wisdom to me. Maybe not in the same exact way, but watching the two of them interact is quite beautiful. With both their energies combined as they interact together it is quite touching to see the way they play ball together, the way they watch a game together, the way they like to bug each other, and the way they understand each other with no words needed. What's even more uncanny is their mannerisms - it's like watching a junior and a senior in action at times!
Fatherhood comes with great responsibility and it is so important that we are aware of the impact we have on our little ones as they grow into adults - be it female or male. If you play a father figure role to someone, it is extremely important that you be mindful of the impact you have on that little one - your words stay with them, your actions stay with them, and your presence provides them safety and stability. It is a shame to think to yourself that they may not be aware, or they may forget - if that is so, just look back to your childhood and and think back of the ones who shaped you, who impacted your thinking, and the words that were once said to you that stayed with you forever.
There are so many of us that have lost that time with our father becuase of the negative relationship we had with them growing up, or because of their trauma history, or because of our mistinterpretation of their actions and behaviors - journaling helps in connecting the dots with our relationships so that when it is our turn to be a parent, we don't repeat the same mistakes.
Some Journaling Prompts:
1. What my Father taught me _______________
2. List 5 things associated with your father - now pick one of them and write about it for 5 minutes.
3. Write a letter to your dad...either as a form of forgiveness or as a form of praise/gratefulness. U can choose after you write it whether you want to send it to them or not.
4. Father Figures take all different forms. When you were growing up and even today - was there someone that you regarded as a father figure? Write about the male role models you have had in your life and the impression they made on you. What did you learn from them? And how did you try to emulate them as an adult?
5. I had my son write out a poem for his dad with the letter DAD - He was asked to write a sentence beginning with each alphabet - his first entry into journaling poems:)
Happy Journaling!
Yesterday, my husband also celebrated his sixth year as being a father - and i think it struck me even more when he said - "Fathers' Day is more important to me than christmas or even my birthday." I was a little surprised at that first, but as he began to talk about it, i began to understand that it is the joy of seeing his son grow, being able to do things that fathers/sons do with each other and being able to pass on his wisdom to his son in the same way as my dad passed on his wisdom to me. Maybe not in the same exact way, but watching the two of them interact is quite beautiful. With both their energies combined as they interact together it is quite touching to see the way they play ball together, the way they watch a game together, the way they like to bug each other, and the way they understand each other with no words needed. What's even more uncanny is their mannerisms - it's like watching a junior and a senior in action at times!
Fatherhood comes with great responsibility and it is so important that we are aware of the impact we have on our little ones as they grow into adults - be it female or male. If you play a father figure role to someone, it is extremely important that you be mindful of the impact you have on that little one - your words stay with them, your actions stay with them, and your presence provides them safety and stability. It is a shame to think to yourself that they may not be aware, or they may forget - if that is so, just look back to your childhood and and think back of the ones who shaped you, who impacted your thinking, and the words that were once said to you that stayed with you forever.
There are so many of us that have lost that time with our father becuase of the negative relationship we had with them growing up, or because of their trauma history, or because of our mistinterpretation of their actions and behaviors - journaling helps in connecting the dots with our relationships so that when it is our turn to be a parent, we don't repeat the same mistakes.
Some Journaling Prompts:
1. What my Father taught me _______________
2. List 5 things associated with your father - now pick one of them and write about it for 5 minutes.
3. Write a letter to your dad...either as a form of forgiveness or as a form of praise/gratefulness. U can choose after you write it whether you want to send it to them or not.
4. Father Figures take all different forms. When you were growing up and even today - was there someone that you regarded as a father figure? Write about the male role models you have had in your life and the impression they made on you. What did you learn from them? And how did you try to emulate them as an adult?
5. I had my son write out a poem for his dad with the letter DAD - He was asked to write a sentence beginning with each alphabet - his first entry into journaling poems:)
Happy Journaling!
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Connections.....
When you strike a connection with someone - whether it is by blood (through family) or through friendship, it is amazing how neither proximity nor distance can impede in strengthening the connection. Our first connection with another as a baby is with our family - our mother, our father or whomever is our primary caretaker. It is in these years that we form our bonds, our trusts-depending on our caretaker's nurturing style, we either learn to express ourselves fully or we choose to do it selectively and intimately with only those whom we trust. We extend further to an outer circle consisting of cousins, early childhood frienships, aunts, uncles, grandparents. All these individuals create some form of impression on us way on in childhood and we begin to either form strong positive bonds with them or negative bonds with them.
I write about this because last week I attended my cousin's wedding and on so many levels it was a reunion of many sorts - so many of us had not been together in over 5-6 years as a family - and what struck me was our connection had not changed. We all have very different lives - we all live in different parts of the world. We all have different lifestyles -yet our connection has not changed. For one full week - regardless of where we are right now in our life - professionally, personally, spiritually - non of that mattered except that we were together and that togetherness was a bond of some kind. Words are not needed at times - a smile, a look, a hug, a drink - a meal - and for those of us that have kids - having to see our kids hang out with each other - was very special - but almost like time stood still for us.
One of the things I will always be grateful to my parents for is that they made the effort for us as kids to get to know our cousins and to get to know our family - vacations revolved around visiting family. And those are some of my best memories ever. I don't know if it is feasible in this day and age to repeat the same, but I will say this much that there was effort on their part to make sure that we would meet. And there was pay off - because to see that we still share the same bond - to see that we still get excited when we hear a favorite song, or if we share a favorite drink or if we just sit and chat somewhere together, -that is the pay off.
I love my family - and I am so glad that the universe made it possible for me to share in this occasion. I realized that we each in one or the other subconsciously or consciously have inspired, encouraged, motivated each other to be who we are at this point in our lives. We may not speak to each other often, we may not meet each other often, we may not even email each other often - but when we meet, it is a sincere connection of just being with each other and I love that. Even if we meet for one hour - sometimes that one hour is filled with so much "oomph and soul" because of that bond we share.
The other thing that my parents encouraged is cultivating relationships with their siblings i.e. our aunts and uncles -by knowing them - we get to know and understand our family better and it makes us more whole -or rather it creates more understanding in the family. There is a joy in seeing my aunts- they are some of the coolest women I know - and have taught me so much about living - about life- the same for my uncles - their hard work, their eccentricity, their loving life to the fullest, their wisdom have influenced each and every single one of us - and I am grateful.
While i am not proposing things to be ideal - i am stating that there is some value in making the effort for family bonding - as one wise cousin of mine stated - "at the end of it all, what do we have - each other ." These friendships regardless of proximity helped us in our teens, in our twenties, in our thirties and all through the milestones that we go through.
Ultimately it also speaks to the power of connecting with another human spirit - sometimes it doesn't have to be family - sometimes it is a friend - not everyone can have a nurturing family and so in that aspect, it is important to seek out ur individual circle of family - and it doesn't have to be blood related. When you meet someone that you share an instant connection with, it is important to charish and keep that - seldom do we meet people that really understand us, that can make us laugh and cry at the same time, that can really read us -and that we can have never ending chats with:)..... so many of us can be horrible with keeping in touch because life just slips by so quickly - i will be the first culprit- but over and over again I am reminded of the value of cultivating relationships and keeping these strong bonds. And it is soooo worth it!
Journal Prompt: A Circle Journal that travels around the family - each member of the family gets to keep the journal for two weeks, and it get passed on from one member to the other - until it reaches the last one - it is a great way of connecting, it is a great way of keeping in touch - knowing where each one of us is at this point on our lives, it is a great of way of creating memories. Happy Journaling!
I write about this because last week I attended my cousin's wedding and on so many levels it was a reunion of many sorts - so many of us had not been together in over 5-6 years as a family - and what struck me was our connection had not changed. We all have very different lives - we all live in different parts of the world. We all have different lifestyles -yet our connection has not changed. For one full week - regardless of where we are right now in our life - professionally, personally, spiritually - non of that mattered except that we were together and that togetherness was a bond of some kind. Words are not needed at times - a smile, a look, a hug, a drink - a meal - and for those of us that have kids - having to see our kids hang out with each other - was very special - but almost like time stood still for us.
One of the things I will always be grateful to my parents for is that they made the effort for us as kids to get to know our cousins and to get to know our family - vacations revolved around visiting family. And those are some of my best memories ever. I don't know if it is feasible in this day and age to repeat the same, but I will say this much that there was effort on their part to make sure that we would meet. And there was pay off - because to see that we still share the same bond - to see that we still get excited when we hear a favorite song, or if we share a favorite drink or if we just sit and chat somewhere together, -that is the pay off.
I love my family - and I am so glad that the universe made it possible for me to share in this occasion. I realized that we each in one or the other subconsciously or consciously have inspired, encouraged, motivated each other to be who we are at this point in our lives. We may not speak to each other often, we may not meet each other often, we may not even email each other often - but when we meet, it is a sincere connection of just being with each other and I love that. Even if we meet for one hour - sometimes that one hour is filled with so much "oomph and soul" because of that bond we share.
The other thing that my parents encouraged is cultivating relationships with their siblings i.e. our aunts and uncles -by knowing them - we get to know and understand our family better and it makes us more whole -or rather it creates more understanding in the family. There is a joy in seeing my aunts- they are some of the coolest women I know - and have taught me so much about living - about life- the same for my uncles - their hard work, their eccentricity, their loving life to the fullest, their wisdom have influenced each and every single one of us - and I am grateful.
While i am not proposing things to be ideal - i am stating that there is some value in making the effort for family bonding - as one wise cousin of mine stated - "at the end of it all, what do we have - each other ." These friendships regardless of proximity helped us in our teens, in our twenties, in our thirties and all through the milestones that we go through.
Ultimately it also speaks to the power of connecting with another human spirit - sometimes it doesn't have to be family - sometimes it is a friend - not everyone can have a nurturing family and so in that aspect, it is important to seek out ur individual circle of family - and it doesn't have to be blood related. When you meet someone that you share an instant connection with, it is important to charish and keep that - seldom do we meet people that really understand us, that can make us laugh and cry at the same time, that can really read us -and that we can have never ending chats with:)..... so many of us can be horrible with keeping in touch because life just slips by so quickly - i will be the first culprit- but over and over again I am reminded of the value of cultivating relationships and keeping these strong bonds. And it is soooo worth it!
Journal Prompt: A Circle Journal that travels around the family - each member of the family gets to keep the journal for two weeks, and it get passed on from one member to the other - until it reaches the last one - it is a great way of connecting, it is a great way of keeping in touch - knowing where each one of us is at this point on our lives, it is a great of way of creating memories. Happy Journaling!
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