Assumptions!

Today I want to go back to the concept of assumptions and the impact it can have on our interactions/day to day communications and relationships with others.  An assumption is an opinon we form about a particular situation, an issue, and/or persons.  Assumptions are based on our past experiences and we project subconsciously our past experiences onto the particular issue.   We often jump to conclusion based on on our assumption and inevitably it leads to an emotional drama of some sort.   The emotional tug of war can be with another person, it can be with our selves and our mind.  The emotional tug of war can be draining and at times it can ruin relationships and it can create disagreements and ill feelings between people. 

Why do we fall into that trap? Why is it that instead of being direct and asking a question, we end up assuming something automatically.   An assumption can be something as simple as if you don't get a phone call back from someone or if you don't get an email back from someone, you tend to find rationales, reasons for that.  Assumption can also be that if a person is quiet/doesn't talk much, introverted, they are either proud, etc. 

Assumptions are reflections of the way we view ourselves- if we assume someone may not want to talk to us, or someone wants something from us, in actuality, it is really a form of rejecting ourselves.   If we assume that the reason someone acted in a particular way was because they wanted to hurt us, or they wanted to attack us, or they wanted to have some form of control over us, in actuality, it is really how we feel about ourselves.   We need to look at ourselves honestly and see - how do we view ourself? Are we insecure about certain things? Explore what our insecurities are and be honest with ourselves about it.  

Something that I have devoted a huge part of this year to is not forming assumptions - i believe it is crucial to developing a spiritual practice and strengthening my core spirit.  Particularly as a mother, with my son growing, it is extremely important for me not to form assumptions about his personality and about him - 

But like with everything else it takes a lot of practice, and more than anything it takes courage.   Not forming assumptions requires that I begin to speak more and articulate my fears, articulate my questions, articulate my ideas.  In essence it is learning to be comfortable with our voice - and respecting that voice.    Sometimes we may not always have a pat on the back when we begin to voice our authentic self, but I have found that in situations where I want to avoid making an assumption - if i practice authentic communication from the heart, i avoid misunderstanding and i avoid unnecessary judgement.    It also doesn't hurt to just ask a question instead of assuming.   You will be surprised when you ask, how much you find out that so much of things are in our minds instead of it being based on reality.  

Also, if we learn not to make assumptions, we learn to accept other people more - we understand others better, and let them be who they are.  We learn that it is not about changing them - that if we change our reaction to them, in time, we may not feel the same issues or uncomfortable feelings that we may feel with each other.  

An exercise - think of how many judgements you make of yourself in a day.  Now take it a step further - how many judgments do you make of others based on their speech, their dress style, their background, etc.   Think about people whom you know now who you are friends with and think of the first time you met them - what was your impression - was it positive/negative.   Think about how you walk by someone you work with everyday and not once you say hello to them, b/c of whatever issues there may be- and the one day you have a conversation you are amazed to see how much you have in common or you were surprised that you made a friend.

My writing practice continues to help me on this path of cultivating non-judgment, assumption and learning to articulate my voice.  
One of the writing courses I took, there is an exercise that refers to as Character Sketch.  A Character sketch is a written descriptio of a nother person or a part of yourself.  When you write about another, it is a good opportunity to tune into your projections about the other person.   A projection is an unknown part of yourself that you see in other people.   Here are example of some character sketches:
- people you admire
- people who make you angry
-of yourself
-your friends.
There is no right or wrong way to do this - but pay attention to describing their feelings, likes dislikes, what bugs you about this person, the person's role, etc?    It makes you more aware and more in tune with yourself and others.

Happy Journaling!