Today I want to go back to the concept of assumptions and the impact it can have on our interactions/day to day communications and relationships with others. An assumption is an opinon we form about a particular situation, an issue, and/or persons. Assumptions are based on our past experiences and we project subconsciously our past experiences onto the particular issue. We often jump to conclusion based on on our assumption and inevitably it leads to an emotional drama of some sort. The emotional tug of war can be with another person, it can be with our selves and our mind. The emotional tug of war can be draining and at times it can ruin relationships and it can create disagreements and ill feelings between people.
Why do we fall into that trap? Why is it that instead of being direct and asking a question, we end up assuming something automatically. An assumption can be something as simple as if you don't get a phone call back from someone or if you don't get an email back from someone, you tend to find rationales, reasons for that. Assumption can also be that if a person is quiet/doesn't talk much, introverted, they are either proud, etc.
Assumptions are reflections of the way we view ourselves- if we assume someone may not want to talk to us, or someone wants something from us, in actuality, it is really a form of rejecting ourselves. If we assume that the reason someone acted in a particular way was because they wanted to hurt us, or they wanted to attack us, or they wanted to have some form of control over us, in actuality, it is really how we feel about ourselves. We need to look at ourselves honestly and see - how do we view ourself? Are we insecure about certain things? Explore what our insecurities are and be honest with ourselves about it.
Something that I have devoted a huge part of this year to is not forming assumptions - i believe it is crucial to developing a spiritual practice and strengthening my core spirit. Particularly as a mother, with my son growing, it is extremely important for me not to form assumptions about his personality and about him -
But like with everything else it takes a lot of practice, and more than anything it takes courage. Not forming assumptions requires that I begin to speak more and articulate my fears, articulate my questions, articulate my ideas. In essence it is learning to be comfortable with our voice - and respecting that voice. Sometimes we may not always have a pat on the back when we begin to voice our authentic self, but I have found that in situations where I want to avoid making an assumption - if i practice authentic communication from the heart, i avoid misunderstanding and i avoid unnecessary judgement. It also doesn't hurt to just ask a question instead of assuming. You will be surprised when you ask, how much you find out that so much of things are in our minds instead of it being based on reality.
Also, if we learn not to make assumptions, we learn to accept other people more - we understand others better, and let them be who they are. We learn that it is not about changing them - that if we change our reaction to them, in time, we may not feel the same issues or uncomfortable feelings that we may feel with each other.
An exercise - think of how many judgements you make of yourself in a day. Now take it a step further - how many judgments do you make of others based on their speech, their dress style, their background, etc. Think about people whom you know now who you are friends with and think of the first time you met them - what was your impression - was it positive/negative. Think about how you walk by someone you work with everyday and not once you say hello to them, b/c of whatever issues there may be- and the one day you have a conversation you are amazed to see how much you have in common or you were surprised that you made a friend.
My writing practice continues to help me on this path of cultivating non-judgment, assumption and learning to articulate my voice.
One of the writing courses I took, there is an exercise that refers to as Character Sketch. A Character sketch is a written descriptio of a nother person or a part of yourself. When you write about another, it is a good opportunity to tune into your projections about the other person. A projection is an unknown part of yourself that you see in other people. Here are example of some character sketches:
- people you admire
- people who make you angry
-of yourself
-your friends.
There is no right or wrong way to do this - but pay attention to describing their feelings, likes dislikes, what bugs you about this person, the person's role, etc? It makes you more aware and more in tune with yourself and others.
Happy Journaling!
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Friday, June 21, 2013
Summer Solstice!
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At 1:04 AM today, those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, Eastern Time marked the beginning of summer and celebration of Summer Solstice. For centuries, there are have been traditions across cultures celebrating the beginning of summer and really enjoying the longest night of the year. I was remined about the Summer Solstice by my sister, and the question she posed to us was "What will you do with that extra time today.?"
How will you spend that extra time? Simple in its question, yet the answer is not that simple. So many of us may think of all the chores that may need to be done, while others may say, we can use it to celebrate the Sun. Celebrate the beauty of the Sun.
What does the sun symbolize to you? For me the sun is warmth. It signifies life, vitality, energy. When the sun is out, we find ourselves all happy, full of energy. When the days are longer, we feel like we can get more accomplished. When the days are longer, we enjoy the beauty of the outdoors. When the days are longer, we find ourselves doing things outdoors we may never do. It's like children - the moment the weather is warm, all they want to do is be outside and play. They could be out there for hours, but don't think about their tiredness. Instead they are too busy enjoying themselves that they forget that their body is tired. Similarly, we too, during these special months of summer must take advantage of this gift that the sun is providing us - if makes you more alive and full.
This year in particular, i'm more connected to celebrating the summer solistice year, moreso because of the spiritual significance of it - each of us has a spiritual fire in us that need to be ignited and just like the sun extends its rays to alll unconditionally - we too need to have that spiritual fire in us -those rays of love ignited and utilized in a direction that will help us manifest our dreams. How many of us start something and don't complete it? How many of us take on too many things and end up feeling overwhelmed? How many of us just don't have the energy to just do anything? Traditions state that rituals celebrating the summer solistice enable those to ignite their spiritual fire and help in realizing dreams. In yoga, there is a pose, called the warrior pose - this pose is about developing internal strength in our knees, in our legs, in our feet - to help keep us grounded. What I like about this pose, is that it gets us to focus on our breath, and breathing through our abdomen, we gain strength in extending our limbs forward. As we do that, we begin to create will power, we create stability, and centeredness. I am also reminded of a yoga class that I took in a park one time with my cousin and sister and found it so relaxing and wonderful as we tried to be grounded while we were in nature. On many levels we were celebrating the sun - and in retrospect I will cherish that moment. So on this day, I ask you to take one hour of the day to give honor to this beautiful creation of the universe - the sun - without whom we could not be sustained. And taking it to another level - honoring you and your beauty and your life. Give yourself that hour of ritual for yourself. And enjoy the summer days!
Happy Solistice!
P.S. A Journal Prompt for you for This Day:
"Where would I go today with the Sun?"
Happy Journaling!!!!
Monday, June 17, 2013
Father's Wisdom
There is an old Indian saying that Our Fathers teach us wisdom, whereas our mothers teach us unconditional love. Sunday, many of us celebrated Fathers day - a day to really celebrate and honor your father especially if he played an important role in your life. My father left an imprint on me that I will utterly be grateful for. Although he passed away almost 12 years ago, I still feel him with me, around me, more than ever - and I think it is because of the many experiences we had together and the time he took to spend with us. He travelled alot for work, so we spent time apart together, however, the time we did have together was quality time. He made sure he would have those teaching father-daughter moments that i can still remember to this day. As a young child I watched him in his day to day interactions with others, I listened to his ever so creative stories, I learned to love music and appreciate all types of music from him, and I learned to dance from him. He taught me humility, he taught me the importance of hard work and having a good work ethic. He taught me about being fair and being objective. He also had a temper - which unfortunately I inherited:). There are moments with him that I will never forget such as the many special one on one trips with him -or the way he surprised me with a singing telegram for one of my birthdays, or just plain advice he gave me on men, on relationships. He also taught me about spirituality and understanding the importance of spirituality in day to day life. My father was my friend first.
Yesterday, my husband also celebrated his sixth year as being a father - and i think it struck me even more when he said - "Fathers' Day is more important to me than christmas or even my birthday." I was a little surprised at that first, but as he began to talk about it, i began to understand that it is the joy of seeing his son grow, being able to do things that fathers/sons do with each other and being able to pass on his wisdom to his son in the same way as my dad passed on his wisdom to me. Maybe not in the same exact way, but watching the two of them interact is quite beautiful. With both their energies combined as they interact together it is quite touching to see the way they play ball together, the way they watch a game together, the way they like to bug each other, and the way they understand each other with no words needed. What's even more uncanny is their mannerisms - it's like watching a junior and a senior in action at times!
Fatherhood comes with great responsibility and it is so important that we are aware of the impact we have on our little ones as they grow into adults - be it female or male. If you play a father figure role to someone, it is extremely important that you be mindful of the impact you have on that little one - your words stay with them, your actions stay with them, and your presence provides them safety and stability. It is a shame to think to yourself that they may not be aware, or they may forget - if that is so, just look back to your childhood and and think back of the ones who shaped you, who impacted your thinking, and the words that were once said to you that stayed with you forever.
There are so many of us that have lost that time with our father becuase of the negative relationship we had with them growing up, or because of their trauma history, or because of our mistinterpretation of their actions and behaviors - journaling helps in connecting the dots with our relationships so that when it is our turn to be a parent, we don't repeat the same mistakes.
Some Journaling Prompts:
1. What my Father taught me _______________
2. List 5 things associated with your father - now pick one of them and write about it for 5 minutes.
3. Write a letter to your dad...either as a form of forgiveness or as a form of praise/gratefulness. U can choose after you write it whether you want to send it to them or not.
4. Father Figures take all different forms. When you were growing up and even today - was there someone that you regarded as a father figure? Write about the male role models you have had in your life and the impression they made on you. What did you learn from them? And how did you try to emulate them as an adult?
5. I had my son write out a poem for his dad with the letter DAD - He was asked to write a sentence beginning with each alphabet - his first entry into journaling poems:)
Happy Journaling!
Yesterday, my husband also celebrated his sixth year as being a father - and i think it struck me even more when he said - "Fathers' Day is more important to me than christmas or even my birthday." I was a little surprised at that first, but as he began to talk about it, i began to understand that it is the joy of seeing his son grow, being able to do things that fathers/sons do with each other and being able to pass on his wisdom to his son in the same way as my dad passed on his wisdom to me. Maybe not in the same exact way, but watching the two of them interact is quite beautiful. With both their energies combined as they interact together it is quite touching to see the way they play ball together, the way they watch a game together, the way they like to bug each other, and the way they understand each other with no words needed. What's even more uncanny is their mannerisms - it's like watching a junior and a senior in action at times!
Fatherhood comes with great responsibility and it is so important that we are aware of the impact we have on our little ones as they grow into adults - be it female or male. If you play a father figure role to someone, it is extremely important that you be mindful of the impact you have on that little one - your words stay with them, your actions stay with them, and your presence provides them safety and stability. It is a shame to think to yourself that they may not be aware, or they may forget - if that is so, just look back to your childhood and and think back of the ones who shaped you, who impacted your thinking, and the words that were once said to you that stayed with you forever.
There are so many of us that have lost that time with our father becuase of the negative relationship we had with them growing up, or because of their trauma history, or because of our mistinterpretation of their actions and behaviors - journaling helps in connecting the dots with our relationships so that when it is our turn to be a parent, we don't repeat the same mistakes.
Some Journaling Prompts:
1. What my Father taught me _______________
2. List 5 things associated with your father - now pick one of them and write about it for 5 minutes.
3. Write a letter to your dad...either as a form of forgiveness or as a form of praise/gratefulness. U can choose after you write it whether you want to send it to them or not.
4. Father Figures take all different forms. When you were growing up and even today - was there someone that you regarded as a father figure? Write about the male role models you have had in your life and the impression they made on you. What did you learn from them? And how did you try to emulate them as an adult?
5. I had my son write out a poem for his dad with the letter DAD - He was asked to write a sentence beginning with each alphabet - his first entry into journaling poems:)
Happy Journaling!
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Connections.....
When you strike a connection with someone - whether it is by blood (through family) or through friendship, it is amazing how neither proximity nor distance can impede in strengthening the connection. Our first connection with another as a baby is with our family - our mother, our father or whomever is our primary caretaker. It is in these years that we form our bonds, our trusts-depending on our caretaker's nurturing style, we either learn to express ourselves fully or we choose to do it selectively and intimately with only those whom we trust. We extend further to an outer circle consisting of cousins, early childhood frienships, aunts, uncles, grandparents. All these individuals create some form of impression on us way on in childhood and we begin to either form strong positive bonds with them or negative bonds with them.
I write about this because last week I attended my cousin's wedding and on so many levels it was a reunion of many sorts - so many of us had not been together in over 5-6 years as a family - and what struck me was our connection had not changed. We all have very different lives - we all live in different parts of the world. We all have different lifestyles -yet our connection has not changed. For one full week - regardless of where we are right now in our life - professionally, personally, spiritually - non of that mattered except that we were together and that togetherness was a bond of some kind. Words are not needed at times - a smile, a look, a hug, a drink - a meal - and for those of us that have kids - having to see our kids hang out with each other - was very special - but almost like time stood still for us.
One of the things I will always be grateful to my parents for is that they made the effort for us as kids to get to know our cousins and to get to know our family - vacations revolved around visiting family. And those are some of my best memories ever. I don't know if it is feasible in this day and age to repeat the same, but I will say this much that there was effort on their part to make sure that we would meet. And there was pay off - because to see that we still share the same bond - to see that we still get excited when we hear a favorite song, or if we share a favorite drink or if we just sit and chat somewhere together, -that is the pay off.
I love my family - and I am so glad that the universe made it possible for me to share in this occasion. I realized that we each in one or the other subconsciously or consciously have inspired, encouraged, motivated each other to be who we are at this point in our lives. We may not speak to each other often, we may not meet each other often, we may not even email each other often - but when we meet, it is a sincere connection of just being with each other and I love that. Even if we meet for one hour - sometimes that one hour is filled with so much "oomph and soul" because of that bond we share.
The other thing that my parents encouraged is cultivating relationships with their siblings i.e. our aunts and uncles -by knowing them - we get to know and understand our family better and it makes us more whole -or rather it creates more understanding in the family. There is a joy in seeing my aunts- they are some of the coolest women I know - and have taught me so much about living - about life- the same for my uncles - their hard work, their eccentricity, their loving life to the fullest, their wisdom have influenced each and every single one of us - and I am grateful.
While i am not proposing things to be ideal - i am stating that there is some value in making the effort for family bonding - as one wise cousin of mine stated - "at the end of it all, what do we have - each other ." These friendships regardless of proximity helped us in our teens, in our twenties, in our thirties and all through the milestones that we go through.
Ultimately it also speaks to the power of connecting with another human spirit - sometimes it doesn't have to be family - sometimes it is a friend - not everyone can have a nurturing family and so in that aspect, it is important to seek out ur individual circle of family - and it doesn't have to be blood related. When you meet someone that you share an instant connection with, it is important to charish and keep that - seldom do we meet people that really understand us, that can make us laugh and cry at the same time, that can really read us -and that we can have never ending chats with:)..... so many of us can be horrible with keeping in touch because life just slips by so quickly - i will be the first culprit- but over and over again I am reminded of the value of cultivating relationships and keeping these strong bonds. And it is soooo worth it!
Journal Prompt: A Circle Journal that travels around the family - each member of the family gets to keep the journal for two weeks, and it get passed on from one member to the other - until it reaches the last one - it is a great way of connecting, it is a great way of keeping in touch - knowing where each one of us is at this point on our lives, it is a great of way of creating memories. Happy Journaling!
I write about this because last week I attended my cousin's wedding and on so many levels it was a reunion of many sorts - so many of us had not been together in over 5-6 years as a family - and what struck me was our connection had not changed. We all have very different lives - we all live in different parts of the world. We all have different lifestyles -yet our connection has not changed. For one full week - regardless of where we are right now in our life - professionally, personally, spiritually - non of that mattered except that we were together and that togetherness was a bond of some kind. Words are not needed at times - a smile, a look, a hug, a drink - a meal - and for those of us that have kids - having to see our kids hang out with each other - was very special - but almost like time stood still for us.
One of the things I will always be grateful to my parents for is that they made the effort for us as kids to get to know our cousins and to get to know our family - vacations revolved around visiting family. And those are some of my best memories ever. I don't know if it is feasible in this day and age to repeat the same, but I will say this much that there was effort on their part to make sure that we would meet. And there was pay off - because to see that we still share the same bond - to see that we still get excited when we hear a favorite song, or if we share a favorite drink or if we just sit and chat somewhere together, -that is the pay off.
I love my family - and I am so glad that the universe made it possible for me to share in this occasion. I realized that we each in one or the other subconsciously or consciously have inspired, encouraged, motivated each other to be who we are at this point in our lives. We may not speak to each other often, we may not meet each other often, we may not even email each other often - but when we meet, it is a sincere connection of just being with each other and I love that. Even if we meet for one hour - sometimes that one hour is filled with so much "oomph and soul" because of that bond we share.
The other thing that my parents encouraged is cultivating relationships with their siblings i.e. our aunts and uncles -by knowing them - we get to know and understand our family better and it makes us more whole -or rather it creates more understanding in the family. There is a joy in seeing my aunts- they are some of the coolest women I know - and have taught me so much about living - about life- the same for my uncles - their hard work, their eccentricity, their loving life to the fullest, their wisdom have influenced each and every single one of us - and I am grateful.
While i am not proposing things to be ideal - i am stating that there is some value in making the effort for family bonding - as one wise cousin of mine stated - "at the end of it all, what do we have - each other ." These friendships regardless of proximity helped us in our teens, in our twenties, in our thirties and all through the milestones that we go through.
Ultimately it also speaks to the power of connecting with another human spirit - sometimes it doesn't have to be family - sometimes it is a friend - not everyone can have a nurturing family and so in that aspect, it is important to seek out ur individual circle of family - and it doesn't have to be blood related. When you meet someone that you share an instant connection with, it is important to charish and keep that - seldom do we meet people that really understand us, that can make us laugh and cry at the same time, that can really read us -and that we can have never ending chats with:)..... so many of us can be horrible with keeping in touch because life just slips by so quickly - i will be the first culprit- but over and over again I am reminded of the value of cultivating relationships and keeping these strong bonds. And it is soooo worth it!
Journal Prompt: A Circle Journal that travels around the family - each member of the family gets to keep the journal for two weeks, and it get passed on from one member to the other - until it reaches the last one - it is a great way of connecting, it is a great way of keeping in touch - knowing where each one of us is at this point on our lives, it is a great of way of creating memories. Happy Journaling!
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Nature...
A walk by the pond, a walk in nature can do so much good to one's soul. This mother's day I wanted to be by nature. Yes i do live in the suburbs and yes i am surrounded by treess, but going deeper into nature where there is total silence, where there is a communion of the soul is something that I long for and need. I find that when i feel depleted, this is what nourishes me. So we took a trip to Innesfree Gardens upstate new york. The journey was longer than I expected.
Yet when we arrived, I felt i was transported somewhere else. There was a large lake with lily pads and two paths for the visitors to take. We could either turn to the left or turn to the right. We turned to the right and walked. Every step we took was a discovery of something new. A waterfall, some flowers, a climbing path where we are taken to rolling hills. The greenery was soothing to the eyes. My son was in heaven. There was so much space for him to be free and I think that's what nature does for you - it makes you free. That childlike expression of being yourself i saw that being expressed through him and i felt myself like that - gleeing at something new that I saw. Amazed that I could climb up high into the rock garden, watch my son roll down hills and knowing that he may hurt himself, he was having fun and that was what was important.
There were benches for us to sit at - chairs for us to stare out into the lake and let our mind come to a standstill. Yes it does come to a standstill when we stare at the pond. Silence - it is so profound that silence - some of us may not know what to do with it, but for me it was a treasure. It was a moment of being still.
Nature has that capacity to heal and for those of us that don't do it enough, ask yourselves why? For those of us that do - continue to do so because it takes you to another dimension of yourself.
That fresh air on your face, the sun shining its rays down on you and feel the warmth of it on your back. God's creation at its finest and it is so natural. So natural. and that's what is so beautiful about it.
Ironically - the journey took about 5 hours total - i was more energized then i have ever been and it was well worth the trip.
It was a walking meditation and it put me back into my center. I remember when I was younger I used to attend spiritual retreats and at one of the retreats, we did a walking meditation in the night. This was at a campsite and we had our flashlights and walked in silence one step at a time. No words, just walking on the grass one step at a time and all around us was the sky, the stars, and the cool fresh air. The sound of the crickets, and our footsteps. Then we came to a point to rest - it was a pond and we sat down and just stared at the pond. It was a powerful experience which i would do again.
Walking through the gardens reminded me of that except it was daylight, i was surrounded by family, we talked, i followed my son, but i was still in nature - feeling connnected to something larger than myself and letting me believe that there is something larger than me out there - that what we see with the physical eye is limited and that creation is manifested in ways that words can't express. It is a feeling and that feeling stays with you for a while.
If you do go for a walk in nature, I encourage you to keep your journal with you. find a quiet space and write - see what happens and you will be surprised to see your wisdom speak to you.
Happy Journaling!
Yet when we arrived, I felt i was transported somewhere else. There was a large lake with lily pads and two paths for the visitors to take. We could either turn to the left or turn to the right. We turned to the right and walked. Every step we took was a discovery of something new. A waterfall, some flowers, a climbing path where we are taken to rolling hills. The greenery was soothing to the eyes. My son was in heaven. There was so much space for him to be free and I think that's what nature does for you - it makes you free. That childlike expression of being yourself i saw that being expressed through him and i felt myself like that - gleeing at something new that I saw. Amazed that I could climb up high into the rock garden, watch my son roll down hills and knowing that he may hurt himself, he was having fun and that was what was important.
There were benches for us to sit at - chairs for us to stare out into the lake and let our mind come to a standstill. Yes it does come to a standstill when we stare at the pond. Silence - it is so profound that silence - some of us may not know what to do with it, but for me it was a treasure. It was a moment of being still.
Nature has that capacity to heal and for those of us that don't do it enough, ask yourselves why? For those of us that do - continue to do so because it takes you to another dimension of yourself.
That fresh air on your face, the sun shining its rays down on you and feel the warmth of it on your back. God's creation at its finest and it is so natural. So natural. and that's what is so beautiful about it.
Ironically - the journey took about 5 hours total - i was more energized then i have ever been and it was well worth the trip.
It was a walking meditation and it put me back into my center. I remember when I was younger I used to attend spiritual retreats and at one of the retreats, we did a walking meditation in the night. This was at a campsite and we had our flashlights and walked in silence one step at a time. No words, just walking on the grass one step at a time and all around us was the sky, the stars, and the cool fresh air. The sound of the crickets, and our footsteps. Then we came to a point to rest - it was a pond and we sat down and just stared at the pond. It was a powerful experience which i would do again.
Walking through the gardens reminded me of that except it was daylight, i was surrounded by family, we talked, i followed my son, but i was still in nature - feeling connnected to something larger than myself and letting me believe that there is something larger than me out there - that what we see with the physical eye is limited and that creation is manifested in ways that words can't express. It is a feeling and that feeling stays with you for a while.
If you do go for a walk in nature, I encourage you to keep your journal with you. find a quiet space and write - see what happens and you will be surprised to see your wisdom speak to you.
Happy Journaling!
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
An Ode to Mothers...
Ode to Mom..
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| theplaybarn.com
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When I became a mom, my world changed forever.
When I became an aunt, my world changed forever. When my mom became a grandmother, her world changed forever.-
There is something about giving love unconditionally to a small being and allowing that being to blossom.
Mothers, aunts, grandmothers everywhere today will be honored this weekend for mothers day.
Yet I say to all - why one day? Why not everyday?
Why wait for one special day to tell her that you care for her?
My appreciation for my mother grew because I finally understood the task that had been entrusted to me.
I had respect for mothers everywhere.
We are given the task of raising a human being and that is a daring adventure.
It grows, it becomes a living being and it is part of us.
And to see God's creation - a tiny little being - vulnerable that has been entrusted to our care.
we watch as the being grows, pouring all our love, all our energy into making the child strong, bold, and couageous enough to face the world.
we fight to ensure there is stability in our child's lives.
we fight so that our children's needs are met financially and socially.
we fight so that our children have a sense of security.
Even the most timid person will become a lion if she feels her children are in danger, that is the power of a mother.
I find that the task never ends.
Our child could be 20, 30, 45, 65, 70, and we will always be a mother.
A mother brings us life in this world
holding us, caressing us, nurturing us
till we are strong enough to walk on our feet.
A mother is like a tigress, always there to defend us when we are in danger
A mother can also be our critic and often times will tell us things no one wants to hear.
A mother also has to learn and watch their child fall and get up so they can be their own person..
That is such a difficult lesson -
I lack patience and yet being a mom - it has taught me patience.
The most difficult thing for a mother sometimes is watching their child in pain and not being able to help them with it - it is one of life's biggest lessons.
A mother is all that and more.
Once a mother, always a mother.
The job never ends. It is 24/7 and that role stays with you till eternity.
Our biggest tasks as mothers is living true to our True Selves - and allowing that to flourish. By being that, we allow our children's authenticity to flourish.
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So on this day - and I would say do it more than once a year, take the time to tell your mother how much you care for her. Appreciate her and value the hard work she does to bring you up. It takes strength to raise a child. It takes courage to raise children. It takes patience to raise children. Most of all realize that our mothers are human beings just like everyone else. They come with a past, and with that past, they were entrusted with our responsibility. We are not given training as mothers, we just do it instintively. We sometimes have to use common sense, and other times our intuitive powers come into being.
Mothers day is also about forgiveness - understanding that our mothers are human, and forgiving them for their mistakes. And use the time that you have with them in a more nuturing way.
I came across this article, about journaling prompts for mothers day....and would like to share with you..
http://www.createwritenow.com/personal-growth-journaling-blog/bid/49219/Journal-Writing-Prompts-for-Celebrating-Motherhood-O-Happy-Day
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| wthlove.blogspot.com
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If you don't journal, I encourage you to do it if you are a mother. There are so many types of journals for mothers - I remember a journal that my cousin gave me on recording memorable moments throughout motherhood that you can pass on to your children. It is a great way to record traditions, it is a great way to have memories on paper and it is a treasure that can be passed down. Another form of journaling is making a scrapbook. Another form of journaling is a Gratitude Journal for Mothers.
And last but not least, I have a journal to my son - where I write him letters every now and then about important milestones in life that as a child he may not udnerstand, but as an adult if he read it he may be able to put things in perspective. I wish all mom's a very Happy mother's day!!!!!
Happy journaling....
Thursday, May 2, 2013
A day to live.....
A couple of weeks ago, I read an article on taking stock on how to value the things that are important in your life. The question that it posed was "If you knew you had one day left to live, would you do what you were going to do today? Adding further, how would you spend the day?" For many this is a morbid question - why bring up death? why talk about something that we don't know when its going to happen? why bring up something that is so ominous. For me, it was the opposite - it got me to think about how I would spend that day - what would be the things that I would be focusing my time on , who would be the people that I would want to be around? What are some of the things that I would remember to say, do or act on before it is too late and more than anything, it forced me to look and see if there were any regrets.
I did a free writing piece on it because i need to have an internal check within me to see if i was on the right track- to see if i am moving in the direction of where i want to be emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc. It also helped me to look at some honest truths that we often take for granted and we as a society don't like to talk about. I had to take an honest look at the mortality of my life - and however painful it can be to be open about it, it is an important step that we need to as a society to look at. Some of us are confronted with death at a very young age, whereas some of us are not - and when it happens, it puts you in a state of shock. It forces you to question your beliefs, to face fear in its face and more than anything it is a test to how much you can endure. On another level, regardless of your belief system, it puts you in a situation where you begin to turn to a force that is higher than you for strength.
If we were to have honest discussions about death, about dying with one another, how much more would be able to cope with the inevitable. It is always painful - because of the attachment - someone we love has been taken away from us, and we feel that we are alone - we miss that person, we want to be near that person, we have regrets about things we should have said to that person, we had dreams we wanted to share with that person; so much of that is taken away from us instantly and we are forced to move on - without any preparation, without any notice, just like that- in a flash of a second. What if we began living each day as if it were our last? what would that look like for us? would we put of what we had in store for tomorrow or two weeks from now? would we be more willing to take certain risks because we knew what was in store? Would we love each other more as a society rather than fight with one another? Our perception, our attitude, our choices would change if we knew that "the hour" was awaiting us. So why put it off? why not act now.
It doesn't mean that we have to be impulsive - but we should not live in fear. And we should not put off what we have for today, for tomorrow. The words we need to use should be said, the actions we need to take should be done.
Death has come to me in different forms throughout my life with me losing some of the most important people in my life. Shattered beyond belief, it forced me to change my perspective towards life. It taught me to be more prepared about when it does hit you in the face. It also taught me to love more - without expecting anything in return. Sometimes when you lose someone, you become hard like a shell - sometimes that is needed becuase the pain is so unbearable - but soon the shell has to break - it has to break so you can begin loving again - and that is what death has taught me. It has taught me about control - how many of us have control issues - wanting to be in control of things - with death - u don't know - u just don't know - but u learn to let go - u learn to let go of the small things that bug you. It is also about being in the present moment. Being in the now - we don't have to keep looking to the future to see how things are going to pan out, or worry about this and that, otherwise our whole life will just slip in front of us. On another note, it helps you be able to be there for those that are in pain. We can never have the same pain as another, but because you are open about death, you can be compassionate, you can lend that listening ear, and you can allow them to be them. There is no need for pretense, there is no need for "should haves" , etc, it is just a matter of being a support.
So I loved the idea of doing a writing piece on this topic. I also think as a society we need to be more open about death and have open conversations about it rather than shun from it. Especially with our families - one may say again -that is morbid, that is so depressing - no it's not - it is preparing us for the inevitable. It is also helping us talk openly about our wishes, about our hopes with one another rather than not knowing at all.
There was a song I was taught when I was a child that I still remember to this day. It began with
Happy Journaling!
I did a free writing piece on it because i need to have an internal check within me to see if i was on the right track- to see if i am moving in the direction of where i want to be emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc. It also helped me to look at some honest truths that we often take for granted and we as a society don't like to talk about. I had to take an honest look at the mortality of my life - and however painful it can be to be open about it, it is an important step that we need to as a society to look at. Some of us are confronted with death at a very young age, whereas some of us are not - and when it happens, it puts you in a state of shock. It forces you to question your beliefs, to face fear in its face and more than anything it is a test to how much you can endure. On another level, regardless of your belief system, it puts you in a situation where you begin to turn to a force that is higher than you for strength.
If we were to have honest discussions about death, about dying with one another, how much more would be able to cope with the inevitable. It is always painful - because of the attachment - someone we love has been taken away from us, and we feel that we are alone - we miss that person, we want to be near that person, we have regrets about things we should have said to that person, we had dreams we wanted to share with that person; so much of that is taken away from us instantly and we are forced to move on - without any preparation, without any notice, just like that- in a flash of a second. What if we began living each day as if it were our last? what would that look like for us? would we put of what we had in store for tomorrow or two weeks from now? would we be more willing to take certain risks because we knew what was in store? Would we love each other more as a society rather than fight with one another? Our perception, our attitude, our choices would change if we knew that "the hour" was awaiting us. So why put it off? why not act now.
It doesn't mean that we have to be impulsive - but we should not live in fear. And we should not put off what we have for today, for tomorrow. The words we need to use should be said, the actions we need to take should be done.
Death has come to me in different forms throughout my life with me losing some of the most important people in my life. Shattered beyond belief, it forced me to change my perspective towards life. It taught me to be more prepared about when it does hit you in the face. It also taught me to love more - without expecting anything in return. Sometimes when you lose someone, you become hard like a shell - sometimes that is needed becuase the pain is so unbearable - but soon the shell has to break - it has to break so you can begin loving again - and that is what death has taught me. It has taught me about control - how many of us have control issues - wanting to be in control of things - with death - u don't know - u just don't know - but u learn to let go - u learn to let go of the small things that bug you. It is also about being in the present moment. Being in the now - we don't have to keep looking to the future to see how things are going to pan out, or worry about this and that, otherwise our whole life will just slip in front of us. On another note, it helps you be able to be there for those that are in pain. We can never have the same pain as another, but because you are open about death, you can be compassionate, you can lend that listening ear, and you can allow them to be them. There is no need for pretense, there is no need for "should haves" , etc, it is just a matter of being a support.
So I loved the idea of doing a writing piece on this topic. I also think as a society we need to be more open about death and have open conversations about it rather than shun from it. Especially with our families - one may say again -that is morbid, that is so depressing - no it's not - it is preparing us for the inevitable. It is also helping us talk openly about our wishes, about our hopes with one another rather than not knowing at all.
There was a song I was taught when I was a child that I still remember to this day. It began with
" if you have a kind word to say, say it now, if you have something to do, do it now, if you can make someone glad or another less sad, do it now, do it now, do it now. Now before it is too late, now is the time for every good deed. Do not wait until tomorrow for it maybe just a little to late."
Singing it as a kid, i paid more attention to the tune, the beat then the words, but see how deep these words are and so true. Don't put off what you have for tomorrow if you can do it now. Happy Journaling!
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