What if?

I recently turned 45.  That sounds old to me and yet it doesn't. It sounds old because I remember as a kid when I heard that someone was 45 years old, I would look at them as an "aunty." But I don't feel 45 in my head - what is that supposed to feel like anyway?

I look at where I am at this age and I feel blessed and grateful to have lived this far.  Not many get to make it past their 40th birthday.  Just recently I heard of someone who had end stage breast cancer at 39 years old.  That scared me.  Because if death did come my way I would not be prepared. I would be begging death for a couple of more years till I am able to fulfill certain goals, so I can prepare my son and my family for the inevitable, for the time to be able to say good bye.  This is not supposed to be a morose post on dying nor am I writing this because there is something going on with me - I write this because every day I hear of someone who has passed away that is relatively young or my age group - i don't know who they are, but I hear that have left behind a child, a family member, and it is just a reminder of the impermanence of life.  I see and hear of the age of my parents and my grandparents that are passing and again another reminder of what is to come in old age and that death is a part of life.  

But yet we don't want to talk about it with each other - as just a conversation.  We feel that by talking about it it will bring up uncomfortable feelings.  Perhaps it will, and yes it is an uncomfortable topic. But imagine if you were able to have a discussion with your loved one about it, what would you want to say? What plans would you make? What issues would you focus more on?  What life style changes would you make so you have more quality?  It is an important conversation -because it allows us as humans to begin to think of what is truly important and not focus on the pettiness of every day life.  It also makes us value our time more - because we know that we will one day depart - and we may not know when - but because we do know that we do not live forever,  we will choose how we value our time, whom we want to spend more time with, and begin 'really living.'    
We go on day in and day out with our regular routine not waking up in the morning looking at it as a new day - and with fresh eyes.  If we woke up each day with fresh eyes our days would be different.  Our interactions with people would be different. Our conversations would be different.  But we forget and take for granted this beautiful privileged life we have been gifted.  I am not devoid of this and I guess I write this more as a reminder to myself more than anyone.  So yes, turning 45 was a milestone for me because it made me begin to think of another reality -that I know I don't really spend too much time thinking about - more so for myself.  

Journal Prompt:   If this was your last day how would you spend it?   Another journal prompt, have a writing conversation with Death - imagine you are writing out a dialogue with death.  This needs a full 20 minutes so make sure that you have uninterrupted time and also, make sure that you treat yourself to something special after writing - whether it be a walk, a swim, a massage, a dinner date, a pastry, but do something for yourself after that writing prompt.   

Happy Journaling! 

I am here because....

I am Here to discover who I truly am
I am here to provide healing and comfort to those
I am here for my own healing
I am here to discover new horizons
I am here to find a path to peace
I am here because I am peace
I am here to show others that it can be done if only we set our minds to it
I am here because of the "it"
I am here to be in love
I am here because I am love
I am here for sacrifice, for justice, for balance
I am here so I can be taught balance
I am here to be free
I am here to show the world freedom
I am here for human dignity
I am here for joy
I am here to spark the fire in me
I am here to finally do what I set out to do
I am here to return home
I am here to find out that I am home
I am here for life
I am here because I am Life
I am here so that we can walk this path together you and me even if there are differences.
I am here -just here- and nowhere else. I am here and will be here forever and ever
I am not going away, because without me, there is no here.
So are you here with me?

Journal Prompt:  I am here because.......

A Day without Women.

 Yesterday was International Women's Day.  To me this day has always been special because it represents the women uniting together for their basic human rights.  I do have a problem with the fact that we only get one day for that - because technically we need more than one day to honor all that we do.  The Women's March on Washington declared yesterday as a Day Without Women.   And oh boy how I wish I had planned better to have really have a day without women.  But I couldn't - I had parent teacher conferences, I had work commitments that I had to be at, and the list could go on.  But just imagine what would the world be without women? There would be no life.  No Life. No Energy.  I think of all the things we do on a daily basis and more and still manage to keep it together, and still manage to find time for ourselves, our families, and just keep going strong. Hardships hit us, and we rise high and move along. We have this fire, an inner sort of strength that shines so bright - that can push us to do whatever we set our minds too. And yet why are we denied of our basic human rights? Why don't we get equal pay? Why do we have to tolerate violence? Why can't we get paid maternal leave? Why? Why? Why?  I can only continue to ask why because the answers that I hear from society, from peers, from centuries ago are not good enough. I work in the field of Violence. I see women being abused day in and day out.  We provide solace, we provide support, we provide relief and we provide hope - but we shouldn't have to live this way anymore.  We must speak up when we see something wrong.  Silence only repeats the cycle.   It doesn't stop it. 
So while I couldn't walk out my job or stay at home on a day without women, I asked that we all wear red in solidarity as a team to show support to one another.  We all come from such diverse backgrounds- religiously and culturally and yet we are all women - so let us recognize our worth as a woman and stand in solidarity with that - because we have more in common than we believe.  And for the wonderful men that are out there that support us women to be human, thank you, and I can only hope that we have more of you in the future generations to come.   We saw the Unity in Diversity.  We tried to understand each other regardless of our religious and cultural beliefs.  And that is how we change. Tolerance is what is needed not division to change things.  
And last but not least, for those of us that have children, we start with them - teaching our boys and girls about respect.  About equality.  

Journal Prompt:  What would my life be like without women? Think about the women in your life - reflect on it and write for five minutes non-stop.  

Happy Journaling!

Take a Stand

Take a Stand
Don't stay on the Fence
Take a Stand For Goodness
Take a Stand for what is right!
Your heart is telling you what is right
So why don't you listen to it.
If you stay on the Fence, you contribute to the problem
You become the problem
Then you can't complain
Then you can't whine.
If you say you truly want change, then take a Stand.
Take a Stand for Truth
We may never know the full truth, but take a stand for Your Truth!
Take a stand for creating a world that embodies what you want.
Be That Light!
Do you like what you see when you look out into the world?
If not, then take a stand for creating a beautiful world. 
I ask you -how do you want your children to be? What values do you want your children to have?
Do you want them to be cruel, angry, inssensitive, selfish, sexists?
Or do you want them to hold certain core values?
Taking a stand is for our children -
A Scarred Traumatized Child can grow up into a very angry dysfunctional adult.
Just look around you and see the adults in your life -
Do we want our children to turn out that way?
I take a stand on NO I don't.
So that's why today I'm taking a Stand to no more violence.


Journal Prompt:  Make a List of all the things you Take a Stand to!

Happy Journaling!

How were you brave today?

" How were you brave today?" I asked my son as we were winding down the night and he was getting ready for bed. And without even stopping to think about it, his answer was " I was courageous by going into a scramble of feet trying to randomly kick the ball somehow I kicked the ball to my teammate."  I listened with him more struck by the choice of words "scramble of feet" and validating the courage because to a child who is very cautious -I knew this was a very daunting experience.  But he did it :) 

Whether we realize it or not, we take brave steps every day. From trying to be friendly to coworkers who may look right through you, to going to a meeting that we wouldn't otherwise thing we have nothing to contribute to, to speaking your mind, to making a choice to stay away from individuals that are harmful to you, to making phone calls to people that actually owe you money, to making a stand to face the unknown and embrace whatever it may give us, to making life changes such as a move, marriage, launching a new project, or even changing a style of ourselves?  And so often so many of these actions are not looked at as courageous -it is something we don't validate ourselves for - we just simply do it and move on. 

What if we took the time to reflect on our simple acts of bravery. How would we respond to ourselves and more than that, what would be our reaction? If we had a mirror or a movie that would replay to us the brave act that we did - how would we feel? Would we want to change something about it? Would we be in awe? Would we look at that and say, "hey, i can't believe I did that - if i did that, then I can do anything i put my mind to."  Would we begin to be more understanding of ourselves and less judgmental of ourselves?

Courage is an act of bravery.  Courage is an internal force that speaks to you when you are often silent I believe.  It comes to you when you are seeking ways of changing or facing new situations. It is not so much a conscious act, it is impulsive.  It is almost as if your inner voice is speaking to you and pushing you to do something that you otherwise would not do.  Courage is not bitter, but sweet.  Because when one is courageous, one is also letting go of a shed of our skin by doing something new.  One is continuously moving forward rather than shrinking back or staying numb.  Being numb is fear -courage is willing to take a risk subconsciously or consciously by making a move. It's like in chess -we can't just stay in position, we have to take a stand and move in the right direction. 

So I went to sleep last night with a warm fuzzy feeling proud of my son for moving his feet in the right direction even if he may have been scared -resting in the fact that he knew he was brave in what he did.  Thinking to myself that this is a practice I would like to continue -

So a journaling prompt for you is :  How were you brave today?

Happy Journaling!
 

End of Summer.

September is here. I'm savoring the last three days before we go back to school, we go back to a regular routine of work and school life.  Part of me is dreading it because it means that summer is slowly coming to an end. I feel it in the air already.  This morning as I walked to my car, the breeze was cool, I saw people dressed differently - a woman had a scarf around her neck.  Change is coming. The change of seasons. And with the change of seasons, our lifestyle begins to change to. We go through this every year and every year we feel the same way. A sense of grieving to say good bye to the wonderful summer that we have had. I still remember Memorial Day Weekend and how that meant, summer was here, and that means it was beach and pool time. That sense of excitement.  That feeling of being on vacation because we get to spend extra day time hours just doing things we love to do outdoors. That feeling of jumping in the pool and feeling the cold water on my body and coming out so refreshed. Summer meant to me longer days, more sunshine and just enjoyment. And I knew I wanted to make the most of it. I wanted to savor every minute because it would be gone before I knew it.  I don't know if I made the most of it or not, but I do know that this was a good summer, and for that I am grateful.

I got the opportunity to go away for two weeks straight and just tune everything out. I don't remember the last time I did something like that. It was just me, my husband and my son - and we just were together away from home, on vacation.  We didn't have a routine. We slept in, we ate, we drank, we swam, etc. It was great.  I found myself sleeping alot -how much of this was because of jet lag, how much because my body was truly tired and I was giving myself permission to sleep and rest. I found myself just being rather than processing. I didn't journal at all. I didn't feel the need to - and it was okay. I just lived. I figured the time to reflect will come on one of those cold winter days. And that's what vacation did to me.  It unwinded me. I don't remember the last time I felt so relaxed - physically. 

It is a grieving of some kind that we have to get back to a routine, or get back to "reality."  And then I realize we go through this every year. That sad feeling, or that longing for not ending.  In theory each season brings its own beauty. And we cherish what it brings to us, but there is something special about the summer months that we all mourn when it is gone.  We also know that it is temporary so we make the most of while it lasts. What if we changed our attitude to each season that comes our way? Embrace what we love and look forward about each season and make the most of it - because that too is temporary - so then we don't have that sense of loss. Nothing is really permanent -everything is a state of flux and work all the time.  It is us that must make choices to choose what really matters to us -and once we make those choices, we really begin to live.

I have to admit that for the last year or so, I have felt like a robot with my daily routine of work and balancing life. And while i know work is a means to livelihood, it shouldn't consume me. And so what this summer taught me was not to get myself too consumed in a routine because if you do, you become numb. When summer came, I found myself surrounded by individuals who just continuously worked - and would not stop to breathe. It has a ripple effect and I knew I needed time away from that. But I realize that is the situation of how this country has become.  Organizations want more productivity but dont' give enough. It is a disease that needs a serious cure - and the cure has to come from within.  The culture has to change.  You become a robot and almost mechanical.  Work in this country can do that to you - and it can make you feel like you are in a perpetual state of burn out.  The key is to find that balance and not let it consume you.
I don't have the answers as to how to not let it consume me again, but I have seen the extreme case of what it can do to individuals who let it consume them.  They are victims of anxiety, illness and suffering.  I guess because i have seen that, I take that always as a sign as to how i don't want to let myself get that way.  I want to live. And if I choose to live, then the choices I make in my life change -regardless of the work I do. So that life doesn't just pass me by like a movie.  Before you know it, the movie will be over, and I will still be there standing asking myself "where did all the time go?" 

So as the summer slowly comes to an end, I embrace the new that awaits. It is almost like a new year I feel - my son is a grade older, and with that comes new challenges. Work will be ever expanding, but I must hold onto what to my common core ideals before i let myself consume me. And the seasons will come and go and I will enjoy what it brings.

So enjoy the next month or so because we still have a full month because the weather turns chilly.  A journaling exercise I did a couple of days ago which I will share:

Why do I want to live?

Happy Journaling! 

Help Ever, Hurt Never.....

The source of love is deep in us and we can help others realize a lot of happiness. One word, one action, one thought can reduce another personal's suffering and bring that person joy.

- --Thich Nhat Hanh-- 

 

I read this quote and said to myself what a simple form of expression but yet so difficult to practice.  I looked at the news this morning and it was full of violent acts and just felt disgusted that we as human beings have allowed ourselves to resort to that level.  We have all been through some form of suffering in one way or the other at a certain point in our lives. We know what it feels like to be hurt, to feel pain, to feel the anger, to feel the bitterness, etc. and because we know what it feels like, why would we want to do that to another person - why would we be impulsive in our thoughts/actions/words to hurt another being. Yes others may act violent, others may be selfish, others may be narrow-minded, others may be insensitive and cruel - but if we mimic their behaviors we are equally contributing to the hatred and violence to continue. It becomes a continuous cycle and doesn't end.  What if we change our perspective and shift our perspective.  what if we change our attitudes and stop ourselves from making assumptions, from jumping to conclusions, from lumping all being to be in one particular category, what if we practice just seeing them for what they are and treat them like how we would like to be treated? we must begin to shift our lens not only for our sake, but for our children's sake. Our children should not be have to live with this kind of mentality and grow up to live in an intolerant society perpetuated by hate and fear.  

I liked this quote because it talks about spreading love and joy and the way to do that is by helping others - and it doesn't take much to help others. It could be a word, an action, a smile, a nod, a wish, a greeting, anything that can add to making another person's day better. And it spreads.  Because the joy/love you feel is transferred to another person and then that same person is filled with joy and then spreads it consciously or unconsciously to another person by random acts of kindness and then it becomes a ripple effect. Deep down inside of us we all crave to be loved.  If that's what we crave, then why would we think that does not hold true for another human being? Mahatma Gandhi says it so profoundly " I will not let anyone walk through our mind with our dirty feet."     Each violent thought is part of a larger creative collective force that gets sent out into the universe and it becomes a cycle.  So instead of succumbing to thoughts that shrink us, let us hold onto our core human values which will only expand us.

Make a resolution to be part of a movement to shift perspective, and be agents of change.  If we witness something that is unjust, we must say so, we must speak up, not remain silent.  And always try to help not hurt. Even if we don't get a pat on the back, even if we don't get acknowledged, do it in the spirit that you are contributing to a larger circle that will have ample positive ripple effects.

Happy Journaling!