Show up!

"Show up, Show Up, and after a while, the muse shows up too. - a quote by Isabelle Allende.
I love this quote.   When I read it, what I get from it is that no matter what I am doing - if I stick to it, eventually I will see results.   It means to me having patience with myself -because there will be setbacks, there will be no shows, there will be obstacles to overcome - sometimes the muse is just not ready until it has seen me stick to it and still not give up on the goal.  Whatever it may be - a goal, a project, a hobby, a passion, a friend, a family member - the key is to keep showing up for yourself.   What does that mean?  I show up because I care.  I show up because by showing up, i am giving myself permission to do more of what I love.  I show up because it means making a commitment to me, to the issue, to whatever it is that i must show up to.   I show up because it is worth the investment. 
It is similar to a child who may understand when you are not able to make it to a  performance, or to an event that means something to him/her, but when you do show up, their eyes light up -and it means the world to them.  So it is a matter of presence and what your presence means to them.  That same presence is equally important for you - you need to create presence for yourself.  By making way for my presence, I create space and permission to be the muse even if it is for five minutes. 
I talk about showing up because showing up means taking risks with yourself - even if you fall, you still are there being present, taking a stand and doing something that is important for you.  
We all need to find that something we want to show up to - we may not know what it is, but it is important to explore what it is.  We all need to find that inner spark that wants us to show up again and again - and when we find it, we don't want to turn back.  We have tasted it, -like nectar it is sweet, tasty, and sumptous.  It has invaded our system and it is in us as much as around us.  And once we have had a glimpse of it, we want to continue to go back to that again and again.  And by doing that, we become closer to who we are.   And we know our path may be extremely rocky, we know that we have no clue where it will take us, but because we know with our gut that this is what we want, we continue to follow it, until it finally comes to us.  It may take ages before that happens, but we must never lose sight of that vision.  
So today, take a moment to ask yourself -what do I need to show up to in my life?  Where is the muse that I am looking for? Am I showing up for me?   Write about it. 
Begin with:  Where am I at this juncture of my life?

Happy Journaling!

Poetry and our words...

I love poetry - and often will dabble - below are some that have been special to me.   The first is about The Banyan Tree on my recent travel to India.  I have never seen trees this beautiful and with such presence.   The second is based on a poem by William Stafford called Ask Me.  I took one line from the poem and began writing.  Poetry works well with the senses and can sometimes tap places in you that bring out the creative side and healing side. 


Under the Banyan Tree
I take shelter under this tree
Thou that sheltered us for over a hundred years
Your branches are like swings ready to sweep us into the air
We feel the cool breeze of the wind with your branches
We fly high into the sky with your branches
And then we rest on your roots, your base.
We feel the strength of your being as we lay our head against the trunk of your tree
Ready to take us in and envelop us with your grace
Ready to take us with your magnificence which only you can comprehend
We all flock to you - children, pilgrims, elderly, sick, the birds you name it.
Your giving has no bounds - in your leaves there is healing
Thousands of traditions look to you for healing
And yet I wonder how do you stand strong and tall for 100 years?
In your age, you carry beauty, you carry wisdom.
And in each of you there is a story.
We know not what it is, but as I approach you, your mere presence exudes peace.
Peace in Knowing that this too shall pass and we will still be here, and we will be okay. 
Just like You. 

The Difference
Ask me what difference their stongest love or hate has made.
Ask me if their love was greater than their hate.
Ask me if I want to hate as much as I want to love.
Ask me if the hurt pushes me to want to give of myself more.
Is it joy of being able to see myself in your eyes?  In your worlds?
That gets me to see beyond the eye.
Ask me and I shall say to give of yourself to all.
There is wisdom in hurt.
They teach you to grow.
They teach you to forgive
There is beauty in love.
Opposites and Contrasts.
Ask me again and again
And I shall ask you - What Difference has love or hurt made in your life?

Happy Journaling!
 

Truth

Mahatma Gandhi's birthday was on October 2nd.  He to me was the epitome of the essence of truth. 
Truth was his very breath and he refused to part from the way of Truth.   His words were - speak gently if you must to speak the truth so as not to hurt the other person.  He believed that truth equated harmony in thought, word and deed.  And he believed that his life was his message.   What doesit  mean? It means that he believed in simple living, universal love, and discipline.  A quote that I love is " In a gentle way you can shake the world."  
The concept of living a life of truth is something that I aspire to but something very difficult to do at every step of the way.  Truth is simply being able to be honest about what you perceive and feel in relation to what you are experiencing -that is my definition.   So your truth may be different than my truth - but it is still truth in our definition.   Simply stating the truth is about living, speaking and feeling the same thing - not having a conflict between thought, word and deed.  So for example if you see something that occured and you do know it is wrong and you are asked to describe it - you will describe it the way you saw it but without conflict.  The conflict stems from feeling like you are betraying what you think the truth to be.   The conflict comes when you begin to analyze, dissect and begin to question as to how the other person is going to respond to your truth.  The conflict comes up when you feel that you may be hurting someone else with your word.  But your words can also be done with gentleness and with a purpose - and that purpose is not to hurt the other person.  If the intention is to not hurt, then our words will not hurt.  Intention is key and that is how the truth prevails.  
It is also important to understand that when asked to speak the truth, we must be prepared for consequences - there will be those that oppose us, there will be those that feel betrayed, there will be those that misunderstand us, there will be those that feel supported, but in the end, we must say what we have to say with love. When I think of Gandhi's life - and the numerous situations he was put in - he had opponents from all different ends.  He had to stand up and say things that he knew in the process would cost him friendships, would create a rift, but he did not flinch.  His belief in the Higher Power gave him the endurance to withstand it and rise above it.  Can we all be like that?  I don't have the answer, but I do look to him as an example especially when put in situations when we are forced to speak something that is the truth.  There was a movie, a couple of years ago with the actor Jack Nicholson, in which he clearly states, "YOU CAN"T HANDLE THE TRUTH."  Sometimes we can't handle the truth especially if it ends up being a reflection of ourselves and our actions.   Yet, if we are a truth aspirant, we must be prepared to walk that path.  

Journal Prompt: Think about a situation you have been in where you are forced to say something that will potentially hurt another person but because of your integrity, you cannot lie.  Write about what you would say? Write a letter to the person.  Write a letter to yourself about the situation. 

Happy Journaling!  

2nd Grade...Time Flies...

My son has started 2nd Grade.  It finally sunk in when I attended Back To School Night this past tuesday.  He is growing.  A real person, a thinking machine, and becoming someone of his own.
The only thing that crossed my mind - is this is too fast - he grew fast. 
Its funny - as adults we spend so much time teaching our children the things that they need to know in order to be responsible and be able to survive in the world - in that process they begin to grow up.  But when we realize that they have grown up - we wonder - how and why did time have to fly so fast? 
I don't know how the time has flown, but as I walked out the door i thought to myself  - i must make every minute that I have with him count.   There is so much that he is processing, inputing as he is in school and he comes home and is full of energy and zest - and I wish I could record every single moment because this age only comes one.   These moments don't come back again and If i have a difficult time realizing that he is in second grade, I will have more of a difficult time when I blink my eyes and he turns "13."  So instead of projecting the future, I must truly live in the moment. 

It is so difficult when you wake up in the morning and you have a 1001 things to do before you get out the door and you know that your anxiety, your craziness is not what they need at that moment, but you just can't help yourself.  How does one move beyond that and still be able to stay present?  And I have come to the conclusion that this is just more practice.  The more I say to myself that I want to stay present with him especially in the mornings and epecially in the nights which is the only time i have with him these days - the more I will get closer to this practice. 
The key is realizing that there is a new day again where you can begin anew because children are resilient.  
But The universe does hear you when you speak and this is how it has heard me:
His teacher has asked that we share a parent -child journal.  Imagine my delight and his delight when he came home on friday and said to me - "Mommy, I wrote something for you, and you get to write back."  I actually get to share a journal with him - and we get to share the whole year together.  Its priceless. 
And another message from the universe:   A meditation to get me settled before i start my day - by meghannathanson, Mindful Mothering.   I provide you with a passage from her meditation that stayed with me:
"I breathe deeply again now experiencing the steady rhythm of all that is happening inside of my mind, of all that is happening inside of my chest and all around the rest of my beautiful being. I am grateful and know that I may bring myself to balance again and again throughout my day. In this moment, I imagine my body as a sturdy and flowing tree. Through the soles of my feet, healthy, winding roots begin making their way into the earth grounding me into my perfect balance. Through the crown of my head I grow tall and expansive. I am both strong and fluid. I release this image and come back now into my heart center and feel expansive with love. Here I am. And here is my day before me. I have things to do and places to be. I have children who need me. And others, too. Breathing deeply I know that I will find a pace for my words and actions that allows me to meet each moment in my day with grace and presence. I know that my life has meaning, sometimes even in the smallest of actions. I know that I have time. There is plenty of time. I will cultivate this feeling of expansive space in my home today and treat my children with gentleness. I will hear their words. I will smile at them and invite their thoughts into my heart. All that they are will be safe and respected with me To my ultimate joy."

And that's how I leave it - knowing that there will always be things to do and places to be, there will always be those that need me, and that despite all this I do have all the time in world.  It is there if i pace myself- and as I pace myself, I can be more present with him -myself and those around me. 

Happy Journaling!!
 

Into the clouds...

" For all the loss and tragedy I have known, my life has taught me that the human spirit like the lifted hands of the blind, will rise above chaos and destruction, as wings in flight."  - Vaddey Ratner-

We have risen above the chaos
yet in each of us there is a void
a question that we will never know which is "why"
As I wake up this morning,
i say a prayer, a prayer for peace, a prayer for the families
and a prayer to get through this day with hope
memories come and i slowly push them away
the air is thick, the sky is dark,
i know the sun will shine
i just don't see it yet.
we stand together to pay respect to those who fought for us
we stand together for those families who like the blind have risen above the chaos
we stand together for us as a nation to be united
the violence must stop
the fighting must stop
understanding must prevail
egos must bend
love must be the final resolution
today is not just about a nation's tragedy
it is a tragedy of the human spirit
the spirit says to go on and push beyond
to rise and fly high
into the clouds and in the sun with hope for a better tomorrow!


Happy Journaling!
 

A Doing Vacation....

I have not written in over three weeks.  Neither in my journal nor on my blog.  It is unusual for me not to write, and part of my reason for not blogging is due to me having visited my motherland with my son and mother after six years.   This was a visit long overdue.   A visit that I had been putting off for many reasons - not enough vacation time, too expensive, the journey is too far with a young child, etc. The mind can come up with a 100 different reasons and can be quite convincing when it wants to be.  So here I was after six years going back home - it is home to me and always will be - I was going home under strange circumstances- mainly my grandmother who was my main connection to India was no longer physically present.     But there was a deeper pull this time more than it had ever been before - to show my son his roots.  I wanted him to see where i grew up, and where his father grew up - i wanted him to love the India I love - the spirituality that I embrace and the sounds/sights and colors that give him some connection to where we come from. 
Of course, I was prepared to write down everything in my journal.  I packed two journals just in case i ran out of words.  But I was surprised.  There was no desire or motivation to write.  I questioned myself because I knew I was consciously not making the time to write.  What was the reason?  No answers.   The answer came when I got back - "it was a doing vacation."  Yes it was - doing things with my son that I did when I was a child and being immersed in it without really processing.  It was doing without planning.  I knew what I wanted him to see, and it would happen without rushing, without worrying about time, and in our own relaxed way.  And if something didn't work out according to plan, we just moved on. 

This trip was also about spending quality time with family -I had two privileges - one was to spend quality time with my mother and her two sisters which is rare all under one roof.  And the second, was to spend quality time with my mother in law in her home while we showed my son the sights and sounds of where his paternal side of the family comes from.  There is nothing more precious than time spent with loved ones when you do get that opportunity.  We don't have to be doing something grand to spend time - a mere act of just being together eating a meal, sharing a funny moment, watching a tv show together, and simple chats create lasting imprints in your heart.  It is something that is irrreplacable. 

And on another level an opportunity to show my son how much of a larger network he is- yes he has his immediate family i.e. mother/father - uncle,aunt, etc - but traveling across the other side of the world to see that there is family there too taught him about forming connections - the idea that we are not separate from each other and we are connected by a human thread. 

So I am back, and am writing -what does that mean? It means that sometimes just being in the moment is okay and if the writing is not coming at that time, don't push it.  It may just be that is not the time for writing.  And it is more about just being actively present without reflection.   So when it is time to eat, we eat without really thinking about this and that and when it is time to go somewhere we are focused on our destination or activity rather than the anticipated worries or concerns of what we are engaging in.   So we are totally in tune with our body/mind and soul in the present moment.   That is key - and probably my discovery in this - was that i was fully aware and present - so the necessity to journal at that moment was not strong.   Instead I wanted to enjoy every moment. 

The journaling part comes now as I reflect on certain experiences, if I want to capture special moments, as i begin to think of lessons learned.   The journaling part comes now especially as I get consumed with my day to day life and am aiming to strive to be in the same mode as I was in India - it is not something to be lost.  I have always heard people say - vacation is a state of mind - it is how you make it.  I don't know how I feel about that statement. I think vacation is necessary in order to get back to some form of balance or centeredness.  Everytime I go away or take a break, I come back renewed in a different way - and everytime I come back with a lesson to learn that I must incorporate as I resume my normal activities.  This vacation taught me to be more present and to let things unfold as they should. 

Journal Prompt:  Capture a moment you want to remember.  Write it down exactly as how it happened.  Close your eyes for a minute or two and reflect on that moment and then begin writing for five -10 minutes non stop. 

Happy Journaling!

Self Awareness

Self Awareness:  The act of being aware of one's feelings, actions -both non -verbal and verbal on ourselves and others.  How important is it to be self-aware? Very - if you ask me.   It is crucial to be able to identify how and what we are feeling moment to moment so as not to project that onto others.   We do not live in isolation.  Most of us are connected to someone or to a group -whether it be professionally or personally.  We may have several types of groups that we are connected to.   Because we do not live in isolation, it is important that we begin to develop that self-awareness because whatever we do whether it be through words or actions will have a consequence.  We may not see the consequence immediately, but eventually it may manifest in different ways.  We may either begin to feel it internally within ourselves through repressed anger, through silence, and or we may begin to see it in the connection of who we interact with on a daily basis.  
Self-Awareness is like mindfulness - because we are taking the time to be in touch of what and how we are feeling and thinking moment to moment.  It is something that must be developed with practice.    What do we do when we are surrounded by people either at work or in our personal lives that are oblivious to how they interact with one another?  How do we respond?  What does this to our psyche?  Are we quick to judge?  Are we quick to assume?  And are we quick to react? 
What if we choose the other way - not to respond?  And by that I mean not react?  Do we begin to judge ourselves as too weak, as being too compliant, etc?  

We must be self-aware to coexist.  We must be self aware to work in teams.   We must be self aware to be in a relationship.   And last we must be self aware to be parents.   Nothing exists within itself alone - we are all connected in some way or the other.   Therefore, we must begin to look at our thoughts, words, deeds and see how much of that is self-harming and how much of that is put out towards those we interact  with on a daily basis.    It comes out in the form of power and control.  And as Shakespeare said, "Power Corrupts Absolutely."  

Writing increases self-awareness.   Daily writing in the mornings or in the evenings even if it three minutes a day or even if it is five minutes a day to check in with yourself as to how you are feeling and why you are feeling a certain way brings clarity to situations.   It also helps you get in touch with what you may not be aware of.  
A great exercise is always writing three feeling words at the top, followed by free writing for five minutes and then writing three feeling words after the free writing exercise. 

Happy Journaling!