I must stay still....

The bee was buzzing all around me.
It was small, but yet I knew the power of its bite
I stayed still knowing that movement can cause it to land on some part of your body
i've had that sting before and boy is it painful
so this time I resolved that I would not budge - no matter what I must stay still.
but for how long can I stay still?
breathing consciously in and out without taking any steps I just stood there
it felt like forever
when would it leave
maybe it was my fragrance
maybe it sensed something was there
it was all of five minutes but it felt like eternity
i decided to stay motionless until it would leave
i did not look at my phone for those five minutes
i did not even think about my to do list
all i did was focus on my breath
and at last finally I saw it fly away to a farther distance away from me.
that was intense
intense fear, intense worry, intense frustration because I had to pause what I was doing...
but yet an intense lesson in learning to be still amidst the noise
that was some loud noise
and it just wouldn't leave me alone
but i had to tune it out
and by focusing on my breath i tuned the noise out too
don't know if I would be able to do it again, but for that one moment I was grateful to not move
I was grateful to watch from a distance the happenings around me -almost like a movie
I was grateful because I didn't get bit...
I stood my ground.

Journal Prompt: Think of the last time you stood your ground....write about it for five minutes nonstop!

Fluidity

Fluidity may refer to "A continuous, amorphous substance whose molecules move freely past one another and that has the tendency to assume the shape of its container"
Synonyms for Fluidity include adaptability, flexibility, resilience, adjustable, supple - in essence it is to go with the flow - don't stick to ideas what "should" and what "must" but rather be flexible enough to ease and float along because it could lead you to your purpose, surprises, and being a fuller version of your true being. But as humans we grow up and create these images in our head of what things are supposed to be like - and it is so hard to let go of these ideas especially when they appear on the surface very different from our values.  But isn't fluidity essential to survival? Taking on the shape of something means that we begin to view things from another's person perspective - when we do that, we become more understanding and less judgmental.  Fluidity is always flowing - never stagnant -if we flow we are allowing ourselves to receive and give - if we are stagnant - everything around us is stuck.   What are some images that come to your mind when you hear the word fluidity? I see images of Yoga- doing an asana that will allow me to stretch my limbs fully that I feel connected to my breath and the earth.    I see water- cooling, giving us life - flowing.  All of these images eventually build resilience - another essential quality to survival. I also see confusion - because sometimes going with the flow may lead us in another direction - a life that we may not want for ourselves and continuously resisting but more and more incidences may actually be leading us to this life we are resisting.  so if we accept and take its shape perhaps we can be supple, flexible, free without feeling stuck all the time.  If our bodies are fluid, our minds are too  and isn't that key to freedom - freeing our minds from all these preconcieved notions, assumptions, values....A difficult task to achieve for us humans.....
Journal Prompt:
Stretching is so important - not only for our bodies, but for our mind - what is your favorite stretch? Take five minutes aside and begin to focus on your breath and awareness as you begin your favorite stretch - pay attention to each limb stretching with each breath going in and out - and pay attention to each movement.   When you are done with the stretch, take your notebook and write for five minutes nonstop.  Let the fluidity flow:)

Happy Journaling!

Invite your Fear to a cup of tea :)

Invite your Fears to a cup of tea -that was the affirmation that I picked up this morning.  This is an affirmation from Kris Karr  http://kriscarr.com/meet-kris/ - Crazy Sexy Love Notes Card Deck.

 I had to think about that for a little bit and wonder - what fears? what does this mean?  But we all have our hidden fears and sometimes it is our fears that dictate our actions -and most likely than none they are deep in our subconscious.  SO what if we do the opposite - find a way to make friends with our fears so that when we do and we are meeting face to face with them - instead of combatting, we engage in a dialogue.  Dialogue is what is needed in this world and we spend so much time on wanting to be right and wanting to be heard that we often forget to listen.   And we must start with ourselves - our selves so we can engage in true dialogue.  

What would it look like if we invited our fears to a cup of tea? A cup of tea is soothing -it is calming - and when we invite something that we are afraid of to tea, we give it a more safe connotation.  We give it permission to speak without being condemned or censored and last of all without being judged. The first step would be to create a list of fears - almost like creating a guest list.  What are my fears - this pushes me to be aware of the conscious and subconscious fears lurking in the back of me. And with each fear, i must force myself to resist judging them.  I have made that choice to be at the table with possibly my worse enemy- someone who will not allow me to shine - someone who wants to sabotage me every time I try to do something that is out of my comfort zone.  And over time, I begin to loathe that quality or that feeling so I push it down so hard that I resist feeling anything.  But now I have made the choice to face it - face it gently, lovingly, and openly knowing that is the only way to make the breakthrough.  Regardless of impressions, I must be open to listening and I must be open to changing.

The next step in the process is creating a space and a time - it can't be done when I have a 100 things going on - it needs to be done in a quiet, special place where I feel trusted.  The first image that came to my mind was a quiet coffee shop - or even a place of nature - but whatever it is -the timing and the venue has to be right.  Because if it is done without your full attention, it may take a wrong turn.

The next step is making the call to invite your fears - think of this as an affirmation that you are calling out to yourself or writing out to yourself to let your fears come to the table and so you can dialogue with them.  "hello Fear "   When I mean dialogue, i mean writing out what fear has to say to you - so Once you are centered feeling safe and comfortable, take deep breaths and ask the question  - "What is the fear of my health (example) trying to tell me?"   take a few moments and just sit with it. and when you are ready, allow yourself to write for twenty minutes nonstop.  

We have many layers and this may have to be done more than once, at different times, and so with that, we take the time to be present with ourselves.  Being present is key to unraveling our fears.  

So take some time and invite your fears to a cup of tea.....
make that change

Happy Journaling! 

What if?

I recently turned 45.  That sounds old to me and yet it doesn't. It sounds old because I remember as a kid when I heard that someone was 45 years old, I would look at them as an "aunty." But I don't feel 45 in my head - what is that supposed to feel like anyway?

I look at where I am at this age and I feel blessed and grateful to have lived this far.  Not many get to make it past their 40th birthday.  Just recently I heard of someone who had end stage breast cancer at 39 years old.  That scared me.  Because if death did come my way I would not be prepared. I would be begging death for a couple of more years till I am able to fulfill certain goals, so I can prepare my son and my family for the inevitable, for the time to be able to say good bye.  This is not supposed to be a morose post on dying nor am I writing this because there is something going on with me - I write this because every day I hear of someone who has passed away that is relatively young or my age group - i don't know who they are, but I hear that have left behind a child, a family member, and it is just a reminder of the impermanence of life.  I see and hear of the age of my parents and my grandparents that are passing and again another reminder of what is to come in old age and that death is a part of life.  

But yet we don't want to talk about it with each other - as just a conversation.  We feel that by talking about it it will bring up uncomfortable feelings.  Perhaps it will, and yes it is an uncomfortable topic. But imagine if you were able to have a discussion with your loved one about it, what would you want to say? What plans would you make? What issues would you focus more on?  What life style changes would you make so you have more quality?  It is an important conversation -because it allows us as humans to begin to think of what is truly important and not focus on the pettiness of every day life.  It also makes us value our time more - because we know that we will one day depart - and we may not know when - but because we do know that we do not live forever,  we will choose how we value our time, whom we want to spend more time with, and begin 'really living.'    
We go on day in and day out with our regular routine not waking up in the morning looking at it as a new day - and with fresh eyes.  If we woke up each day with fresh eyes our days would be different.  Our interactions with people would be different. Our conversations would be different.  But we forget and take for granted this beautiful privileged life we have been gifted.  I am not devoid of this and I guess I write this more as a reminder to myself more than anyone.  So yes, turning 45 was a milestone for me because it made me begin to think of another reality -that I know I don't really spend too much time thinking about - more so for myself.  

Journal Prompt:   If this was your last day how would you spend it?   Another journal prompt, have a writing conversation with Death - imagine you are writing out a dialogue with death.  This needs a full 20 minutes so make sure that you have uninterrupted time and also, make sure that you treat yourself to something special after writing - whether it be a walk, a swim, a massage, a dinner date, a pastry, but do something for yourself after that writing prompt.   

Happy Journaling! 

I am here because....

I am Here to discover who I truly am
I am here to provide healing and comfort to those
I am here for my own healing
I am here to discover new horizons
I am here to find a path to peace
I am here because I am peace
I am here to show others that it can be done if only we set our minds to it
I am here because of the "it"
I am here to be in love
I am here because I am love
I am here for sacrifice, for justice, for balance
I am here so I can be taught balance
I am here to be free
I am here to show the world freedom
I am here for human dignity
I am here for joy
I am here to spark the fire in me
I am here to finally do what I set out to do
I am here to return home
I am here to find out that I am home
I am here for life
I am here because I am Life
I am here so that we can walk this path together you and me even if there are differences.
I am here -just here- and nowhere else. I am here and will be here forever and ever
I am not going away, because without me, there is no here.
So are you here with me?

Journal Prompt:  I am here because.......

A Day without Women.

 Yesterday was International Women's Day.  To me this day has always been special because it represents the women uniting together for their basic human rights.  I do have a problem with the fact that we only get one day for that - because technically we need more than one day to honor all that we do.  The Women's March on Washington declared yesterday as a Day Without Women.   And oh boy how I wish I had planned better to have really have a day without women.  But I couldn't - I had parent teacher conferences, I had work commitments that I had to be at, and the list could go on.  But just imagine what would the world be without women? There would be no life.  No Life. No Energy.  I think of all the things we do on a daily basis and more and still manage to keep it together, and still manage to find time for ourselves, our families, and just keep going strong. Hardships hit us, and we rise high and move along. We have this fire, an inner sort of strength that shines so bright - that can push us to do whatever we set our minds too. And yet why are we denied of our basic human rights? Why don't we get equal pay? Why do we have to tolerate violence? Why can't we get paid maternal leave? Why? Why? Why?  I can only continue to ask why because the answers that I hear from society, from peers, from centuries ago are not good enough. I work in the field of Violence. I see women being abused day in and day out.  We provide solace, we provide support, we provide relief and we provide hope - but we shouldn't have to live this way anymore.  We must speak up when we see something wrong.  Silence only repeats the cycle.   It doesn't stop it. 
So while I couldn't walk out my job or stay at home on a day without women, I asked that we all wear red in solidarity as a team to show support to one another.  We all come from such diverse backgrounds- religiously and culturally and yet we are all women - so let us recognize our worth as a woman and stand in solidarity with that - because we have more in common than we believe.  And for the wonderful men that are out there that support us women to be human, thank you, and I can only hope that we have more of you in the future generations to come.   We saw the Unity in Diversity.  We tried to understand each other regardless of our religious and cultural beliefs.  And that is how we change. Tolerance is what is needed not division to change things.  
And last but not least, for those of us that have children, we start with them - teaching our boys and girls about respect.  About equality.  

Journal Prompt:  What would my life be like without women? Think about the women in your life - reflect on it and write for five minutes non-stop.  

Happy Journaling!