I have not written in over three weeks. Neither in my journal nor on my blog. It is unusual for me not to write, and part of my reason for not blogging is due to me having visited my motherland with my son and mother after six years. This was a visit long overdue. A visit that I had been putting off for many reasons - not enough vacation time, too expensive, the journey is too far with a young child, etc. The mind can come up with a 100 different reasons and can be quite convincing when it wants to be. So here I was after six years going back home - it is home to me and always will be - I was going home under strange circumstances- mainly my grandmother who was my main connection to India was no longer physically present. But there was a deeper pull this time more than it had ever been before - to show my son his roots. I wanted him to see where i grew up, and where his father grew up - i wanted him to love the India I love - the spirituality that I embrace and the sounds/sights and colors that give him some connection to where we come from.
Of course, I was prepared to write down everything in my journal. I packed two journals just in case i ran out of words. But I was surprised. There was no desire or motivation to write. I questioned myself because I knew I was consciously not making the time to write. What was the reason? No answers. The answer came when I got back - "it was a doing vacation." Yes it was - doing things with my son that I did when I was a child and being immersed in it without really processing. It was doing without planning. I knew what I wanted him to see, and it would happen without rushing, without worrying about time, and in our own relaxed way. And if something didn't work out according to plan, we just moved on.
This trip was also about spending quality time with family -I had two privileges - one was to spend quality time with my mother and her two sisters which is rare all under one roof. And the second, was to spend quality time with my mother in law in her home while we showed my son the sights and sounds of where his paternal side of the family comes from. There is nothing more precious than time spent with loved ones when you do get that opportunity. We don't have to be doing something grand to spend time - a mere act of just being together eating a meal, sharing a funny moment, watching a tv show together, and simple chats create lasting imprints in your heart. It is something that is irrreplacable.
And on another level an opportunity to show my son how much of a larger network he is- yes he has his immediate family i.e. mother/father - uncle,aunt, etc - but traveling across the other side of the world to see that there is family there too taught him about forming connections - the idea that we are not separate from each other and we are connected by a human thread.
So I am back, and am writing -what does that mean? It means that sometimes just being in the moment is okay and if the writing is not coming at that time, don't push it. It may just be that is not the time for writing. And it is more about just being actively present without reflection. So when it is time to eat, we eat without really thinking about this and that and when it is time to go somewhere we are focused on our destination or activity rather than the anticipated worries or concerns of what we are engaging in. So we are totally in tune with our body/mind and soul in the present moment. That is key - and probably my discovery in this - was that i was fully aware and present - so the necessity to journal at that moment was not strong. Instead I wanted to enjoy every moment.
The journaling part comes now as I reflect on certain experiences, if I want to capture special moments, as i begin to think of lessons learned. The journaling part comes now especially as I get consumed with my day to day life and am aiming to strive to be in the same mode as I was in India - it is not something to be lost. I have always heard people say - vacation is a state of mind - it is how you make it. I don't know how I feel about that statement. I think vacation is necessary in order to get back to some form of balance or centeredness. Everytime I go away or take a break, I come back renewed in a different way - and everytime I come back with a lesson to learn that I must incorporate as I resume my normal activities. This vacation taught me to be more present and to let things unfold as they should.
Journal Prompt: Capture a moment you want to remember. Write it down exactly as how it happened. Close your eyes for a minute or two and reflect on that moment and then begin writing for five -10 minutes non stop.