Thursday, September 18, 2014

2nd Grade...Time Flies...

My son has started 2nd Grade.  It finally sunk in when I attended Back To School Night this past tuesday.  He is growing.  A real person, a thinking machine, and becoming someone of his own.
The only thing that crossed my mind - is this is too fast - he grew fast. 
Its funny - as adults we spend so much time teaching our children the things that they need to know in order to be responsible and be able to survive in the world - in that process they begin to grow up.  But when we realize that they have grown up - we wonder - how and why did time have to fly so fast? 
I don't know how the time has flown, but as I walked out the door i thought to myself  - i must make every minute that I have with him count.   There is so much that he is processing, inputing as he is in school and he comes home and is full of energy and zest - and I wish I could record every single moment because this age only comes one.   These moments don't come back again and If i have a difficult time realizing that he is in second grade, I will have more of a difficult time when I blink my eyes and he turns "13."  So instead of projecting the future, I must truly live in the moment. 

It is so difficult when you wake up in the morning and you have a 1001 things to do before you get out the door and you know that your anxiety, your craziness is not what they need at that moment, but you just can't help yourself.  How does one move beyond that and still be able to stay present?  And I have come to the conclusion that this is just more practice.  The more I say to myself that I want to stay present with him especially in the mornings and epecially in the nights which is the only time i have with him these days - the more I will get closer to this practice. 
The key is realizing that there is a new day again where you can begin anew because children are resilient.  
But The universe does hear you when you speak and this is how it has heard me:
His teacher has asked that we share a parent -child journal.  Imagine my delight and his delight when he came home on friday and said to me - "Mommy, I wrote something for you, and you get to write back."  I actually get to share a journal with him - and we get to share the whole year together.  Its priceless. 
And another message from the universe:   A meditation to get me settled before i start my day - by meghannathanson, Mindful Mothering.   I provide you with a passage from her meditation that stayed with me:
"I breathe deeply again now experiencing the steady rhythm of all that is happening inside of my mind, of all that is happening inside of my chest and all around the rest of my beautiful being. I am grateful and know that I may bring myself to balance again and again throughout my day. In this moment, I imagine my body as a sturdy and flowing tree. Through the soles of my feet, healthy, winding roots begin making their way into the earth grounding me into my perfect balance. Through the crown of my head I grow tall and expansive. I am both strong and fluid. I release this image and come back now into my heart center and feel expansive with love. Here I am. And here is my day before me. I have things to do and places to be. I have children who need me. And others, too. Breathing deeply I know that I will find a pace for my words and actions that allows me to meet each moment in my day with grace and presence. I know that my life has meaning, sometimes even in the smallest of actions. I know that I have time. There is plenty of time. I will cultivate this feeling of expansive space in my home today and treat my children with gentleness. I will hear their words. I will smile at them and invite their thoughts into my heart. All that they are will be safe and respected with me To my ultimate joy."

And that's how I leave it - knowing that there will always be things to do and places to be, there will always be those that need me, and that despite all this I do have all the time in world.  It is there if i pace myself- and as I pace myself, I can be more present with him -myself and those around me. 

Happy Journaling!!

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Into the clouds...

" For all the loss and tragedy I have known, my life has taught me that the human spirit like the lifted hands of the blind, will rise above chaos and destruction, as wings in flight."  - Vaddey Ratner-

We have risen above the chaos
yet in each of us there is a void
a question that we will never know which is "why"
As I wake up this morning,
i say a prayer, a prayer for peace, a prayer for the families
and a prayer to get through this day with hope
memories come and i slowly push them away
the air is thick, the sky is dark,
i know the sun will shine
i just don't see it yet.
we stand together to pay respect to those who fought for us
we stand together for those families who like the blind have risen above the chaos
we stand together for us as a nation to be united
the violence must stop
the fighting must stop
understanding must prevail
egos must bend
love must be the final resolution
today is not just about a nation's tragedy
it is a tragedy of the human spirit
the spirit says to go on and push beyond
to rise and fly high
into the clouds and in the sun with hope for a better tomorrow!

Happy Journaling!

Friday, September 5, 2014

A Doing Vacation....

I have not written in over three weeks.  Neither in my journal nor on my blog.  It is unusual for me not to write, and part of my reason for not blogging is due to me having visited my motherland with my son and mother after six years.   This was a visit long overdue.   A visit that I had been putting off for many reasons - not enough vacation time, too expensive, the journey is too far with a young child, etc. The mind can come up with a 100 different reasons and can be quite convincing when it wants to be.  So here I was after six years going back home - it is home to me and always will be - I was going home under strange circumstances- mainly my grandmother who was my main connection to India was no longer physically present.     But there was a deeper pull this time more than it had ever been before - to show my son his roots.  I wanted him to see where i grew up, and where his father grew up - i wanted him to love the India I love - the spirituality that I embrace and the sounds/sights and colors that give him some connection to where we come from. 
Of course, I was prepared to write down everything in my journal.  I packed two journals just in case i ran out of words.  But I was surprised.  There was no desire or motivation to write.  I questioned myself because I knew I was consciously not making the time to write.  What was the reason?  No answers.   The answer came when I got back - "it was a doing vacation."  Yes it was - doing things with my son that I did when I was a child and being immersed in it without really processing.  It was doing without planning.  I knew what I wanted him to see, and it would happen without rushing, without worrying about time, and in our own relaxed way.  And if something didn't work out according to plan, we just moved on. 

This trip was also about spending quality time with family -I had two privileges - one was to spend quality time with my mother and her two sisters which is rare all under one roof.  And the second, was to spend quality time with my mother in law in her home while we showed my son the sights and sounds of where his paternal side of the family comes from.  There is nothing more precious than time spent with loved ones when you do get that opportunity.  We don't have to be doing something grand to spend time - a mere act of just being together eating a meal, sharing a funny moment, watching a tv show together, and simple chats create lasting imprints in your heart.  It is something that is irrreplacable. 

And on another level an opportunity to show my son how much of a larger network he is- yes he has his immediate family i.e. mother/father - uncle,aunt, etc - but traveling across the other side of the world to see that there is family there too taught him about forming connections - the idea that we are not separate from each other and we are connected by a human thread. 

So I am back, and am writing -what does that mean? It means that sometimes just being in the moment is okay and if the writing is not coming at that time, don't push it.  It may just be that is not the time for writing.  And it is more about just being actively present without reflection.   So when it is time to eat, we eat without really thinking about this and that and when it is time to go somewhere we are focused on our destination or activity rather than the anticipated worries or concerns of what we are engaging in.   So we are totally in tune with our body/mind and soul in the present moment.   That is key - and probably my discovery in this - was that i was fully aware and present - so the necessity to journal at that moment was not strong.   Instead I wanted to enjoy every moment. 

The journaling part comes now as I reflect on certain experiences, if I want to capture special moments, as i begin to think of lessons learned.   The journaling part comes now especially as I get consumed with my day to day life and am aiming to strive to be in the same mode as I was in India - it is not something to be lost.  I have always heard people say - vacation is a state of mind - it is how you make it.  I don't know how I feel about that statement. I think vacation is necessary in order to get back to some form of balance or centeredness.  Everytime I go away or take a break, I come back renewed in a different way - and everytime I come back with a lesson to learn that I must incorporate as I resume my normal activities.  This vacation taught me to be more present and to let things unfold as they should. 

Journal Prompt:  Capture a moment you want to remember.  Write it down exactly as how it happened.  Close your eyes for a minute or two and reflect on that moment and then begin writing for five -10 minutes non stop. 

Happy Journaling!