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Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Create Your Own Happiness!

Create your own Happiness.  That's what I keep saying to myself as I move forward into the unknown.  It is my state of mind that creates my own happiness.  It is not a particular space, it is not a particular room, it is not a particular environment, it is me who must create my own happiness.  Just like i can feel my feet press firmly into the ground and feel the earth beneath my feet hold me strong and rooted, i must create my own happiness.   This must stay with me going forward. 

For the last four years I have managed to create my own happiness in a work environment that can be extremely toxic and stressful.  Why stay in a place like that - because that is where my purpose is right now until the chapter ends and i move onto a new space.   How did I create my own happiness- with the help of my colleagues and team we created a space that was inviting, warm, fun, and healing.  We had a room called The relaxation room - where we could go in there and just be - time to vent, to write, to breathe, and to eat.  With our distinct personalities, we created cubicles that evoked who we stood for - we had cut outs of shoes hanging from the ceilings, chinese lanterns, there was color everywhere, quotes, aromatherapy, pictures, artwork, and there was a sense of warmth.  The work that each of us do can be extremely traumatic - because of the field we work in - mental health, domestic violence, substance abuse - so of course the natural course is if we can't provide healing to ourselves who will.   So walking into our space every day was a way of staying grounded no matter how the day went - it was our little haven and our way of keeping sane in the midst of insanity.   This has lasted long enough.  Yet as many kept telling us - this too shall end. 

And today, as I sit and write this, i feel sorrow and gratitude at the same time.  Our space that we have had for the last seven years or so is no longer going to be our space.  We are being moved against our will and we are being placed in a space that is uninviting.  We are being moved and made to choose spaces that neither one of us want to choose because we don't want to hurt the other person.  That is the beauty of this team - we love each other like we love ourselves so we would not want to hurt each other or put each other in a situation that would make the other feel uncomfortable.  Yet each of us have to make choices.  And we do that with objectivitiy and with detachment.  

I feel sorrow because endings are always sorrowful.  I feel gratitude because i have been so fortunate to be with a wonderful group of individuals who helped contribute to this healing space.  I feel sorrow and pity for those who choose not to create this for their environment but succumb to the madness of their work.  I feel sorrow because we created something beautiful and we know not if we can recreate it in our new spaces.   I feel gratitude for being given the opportunity to use our creativity to the maximum. 

And yet, being the person that I am must begin to look at this in a new light.  I must find the positivity in this.  But I cannot deny myself the feelings i feel.  I cannot deny the sadness, the anger, the disappointment and the anxiety i feel as i begin to say good bye to this space.   But i must begin to look at the silver lining.  I must begin to create my own space in which happiness is created through my state of mind.  Just like we turned our space of nothingness into something that was a haven and a sanctuary for so many of the staff, we can do the same where we end - it is all a matter of perspective.  

The prompt I leave you with is this:

Create your own Happiness:  Make a collage, painting, poem, write about Creating your own happiness.  

Happy Journaling!

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