When someone holds a position of authority, it gives them a sense of power over other people. The more power someone has the more power he/she wants. As the saying goes, "absolute power corrupts absolutely." Power can be of different natures - an employer versus employee, power control between intimate partners, power of that of parent/child - the list can go on in terms of power differences can play out in various relationships. What does it mean when the person in the position of power utilizes it unethically? Where, the goal is power and control over the other person, and taking pleasure in seeing the other person be subjected to humiliated, violated and weakened. I have often said this and I will always say this - "no one should have that kind of power over you, where you feel you have to answer to their beck and call because they are in a position of authority." But when fear kicks in and you feel that you are nothing without them - financially, emotionally, physically - then at that point what are you supposed to do?
I write about this today because I have seen several individuals in situations where their behaviors are determined according to when they feel out of control of our lives and dependent on the other. And the day that we realize that, is the day we need to wake ourselves up from this delusion.
Fear is a paralyzing factor - and paralysis numbs you - it numbs your speech, it numbs your actions, it numbs your thoughts - at times it also may begin to delude you into believing that "YOU ARE THE PROBLEM."
We all have something that is called Personal Power - and because of the fear we have forgotten our personal power.
How would you define Personal Power - That within myself, I possess all the wisdom, the love, and the strength I need to operate in this world. Personal Power is something that in innate within us.
If we stand up for what we believe in, and refuse to let another person/organization/group dictate our behavior and even our thoughts, we reclaim our personal power. If we continue to live in fear and believe for example that our livelihood, our partner, our relationships will be lost, we have lost ourselves in the process. We have given into the power play and lost.
In order for that to happen, we must find a way to reclaim our personal power - and the qualities that are associated with that - if we discover that the qualities that are associated with personal power are things such as ego, anger, resentment, then we are in the wrong direction. But if we begin to find qualities in ourselves that show understanding, that show honesty, that show compassion - we are heading in the right direction.
What can we do to reclaim it? Here are some journaling tips that one can utilize for this context:
1. Make a list of all the reasons we believe we are being victimized? This is being honest with yourself to let u know that yes - your personal power is being taken away.
2. Make a list of things you think you would lose if you begin to say "no." And next to each item, answer the question " What is the worse thing that could happen?"
3. Out of that list, look at see what you can realistically do without? The things that stand out to you that you need for survival - then put an "x" next to it. Putting an "x" next to that does not mean you have to tolerate the power and control, but more so, determining how are you going to respond to it? What Tools do you need?
4. Define what Personal Power means to you.
5. Write out a picture of how you would like the situation to be in your world? What would you change? More specifically about yourself.
6. Pick 3 things about yourself that you want to work for yourself - and for one week, keep a log of tracking your behaviors. Notice if these behaviors are either sabotaging you to lose yourself or if you are beginning to change your thought process because you are more mindful of it.
7. Be mindful of how you communicate - because that is key to reclaiming your personal power - are you quick to jump to defense mode, are you quick to resign yourself that "no one is going to listen", do you often throw a tantrum so you can be heard, or are you critical in your communication style.