Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Friendships

As my son enters the world of friendships, thoughts that come to my mind are about the strong friendships that we form as children and how they help shape and influence who we are.   I may be an overbearing mother at times -perhaps sometimes controlling needing to know exactly what is going on in my son's life and who his friends are and what kinds of things they do - but I rationalize it because he is at such an impressionable age that at any point, he can go in an opposite direction.   He started summer camp on monday and this was a camp where he did not know any of the children, so we have been having alot of discussions about making friends, how to make friends, what kinds of questions to aks, what is appropriate vs. inappropriate.   This is a camp where there are alot of older kids, and with my son in particular, he is attracted to older children, so i have to be extra careful because he begins to think he is 10 or 11.  
At age 6, the whole world is all about him - and i have to keep him in check so that he learns to share a part of him self with other children - meaning that forming friendships is a two way process, and it is not always one sided.   This being said, there is discussion about the qualities of good friends and him knowing that in order for him to have good friends, he must be a good friend. 

Speaking about friendships, i began to reflect on my friendships - and how central they have been into  making me blossom into my being.  A friend is someone that can look at you and know exactly what you may be thinking and words are not needed.   A friend is someone who can complete another person's sentences.  A friend can be the total opposite of you, but still because there is a connection, you are friends.  
When I talk about friendships, I am not talking about acquaintances.   Friend is a relative term - we can technically be friends with everyone - because we smile, like to get to know people, have fun, etc.   But I am talking about true friendships - that are diffiult to find.  I think when you have found it, it is very important to cherish it.    And as I get older, I find that I treasure and value more of those kind of connections- than just superficial talk.

 A friend on many level is a form of soulmate - but in  a different sense of the world - people usually associate soulmates with lover/spartners - but I have found that we can have various soulmates - and friends come to us in that form too.   Often times, people that we are friends with - may fade away -or the friendship may fade away either because of a life change, a move to another town, a death, etc.   But that doesn't mean the friendship has ended - it's just not physically present like how we would like it to, so we often mistake it for it either ending/fading etc.   But if you were to meet the same person after many years or even months, think about the connection that you continue to have and how time nor distance doesn't really change that aspect of yourself.    Losing a friendship can be very devastating and the reason i write about it is because friends are almost mirror images of ourselves in different forms - and when we lose that part of our friend, we feel that we have lost a piece of us.   In times like that, it is so important to process that loss - individually or with your friend.  Although I'm a big champion of writing - i also believe in the power of talking and that is what friendships do for us - when you are able to have a conversation with someone that really understands you but can also tell you the truth, there is something amazing about that!
Which leads me to another thought - A quote that I read the other day was " Each person that comes into your life has a meaning and purpose.  If they are not in your life anymore, reflect on the teaching you received from them, and move on forward."  Although I always strive to live by that ideal - it struck me more in the context of friendships.  For me, this made me look at friendships on many levels - the various types of friends that we can have - we can have childhood friends, college friends, work friends, neighborhood friends - all of these each of them are in our lives for a reason - if we approach each of these categories in that way - think about our openness and newness to this.  Think about how alive we would feel, think about how free we would feel - just like a child - and reading that - it hit me regarding my son- he is approaching each situation with newness - with innocence and is like a beginner.   But he is also growing because of the people in his lives, and So too with friendships, I realized that our circles - immediate or distant serve a valid purpose and a higher purpose - all taking us to the next phase in our lives - whenever that is.   

A Journal Prompt for you: (write this for five minutes)
The Friendships in my life have been ____________________________
My friend (Name the person) has ______________

Another Journal Prompt:
Write a letter to a friend - it could be someone you see everyday, it could be someone you haven't seen in ages, it could be someone who is deceased, but is still your friend.  

Happy Journaling!

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